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The Worst of Yelp


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#1 Lex

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Posted 27 October 2011 - 06:15 PM

I am embarrassed to admit it but I use Yelp. It's coverage is broad and it has handy features like being able to locate nearby bars. That said, the ninny level is much higher than it should be. I've grown accustomed to filtering out the worthless reviews that are mixed in with the decent ones but that's not enough. Like the People of Walmart, these reviews really need higher visibility.

This is an easy game to play. Pick a restaurant you know well and like. Look it up on Yelp. Then sort the reviews by Rating and go to the last page. And there they are, the dregs. Clueless reviews written by clueless people.

Mind you, these reviews aren't written about middling places. Even most Yelpers like them - they average 4 to 4 1/2 stars. Yet they still manage to disappoint some people.

Here we go.
"I don't understand what's wrong with thinking of correlation as a pricing convention the way one thinks of Black-Scholes vol. I mean, vol curves aren't "real" anyway, but nobody uses local vol models to price vanilla options." - Taion
 
"But this is blatant ultracrepidarianism on my part." - Taion

I have a dream of a multiplicity of pastramis.

"once the penis came out, there was discussions as to why we didn't order the testicles" - Daniel describing a meal in China

#2 Lex

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Posted 27 October 2011 - 06:17 PM

Trestle on Tenth - One star. Unrecognizable from this review.

Blech. What a waste of a meal. My glass of muscadet arrived as warm as my husband's pinot noir. The over-peppered crab and beet salad looked sad and jaundiced on the plate and tasted the same. The pumpkin gnocchi, which came on a haphazard bed of leftover diced vegetables cooked to inconsistent done-ness, had the texture and flavor of fried slugs doused in cinnamon. I left wishing I had just stayed home and cooked for myself. For low-key American in this neighborhood, you'd do much better at Cookshop down the street.


"I don't understand what's wrong with thinking of correlation as a pricing convention the way one thinks of Black-Scholes vol. I mean, vol curves aren't "real" anyway, but nobody uses local vol models to price vanilla options." - Taion
 
"But this is blatant ultracrepidarianism on my part." - Taion

I have a dream of a multiplicity of pastramis.

"once the penis came out, there was discussions as to why we didn't order the testicles" - Daniel describing a meal in China

#3 Lex

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Posted 27 October 2011 - 06:19 PM

Tacos Matamoros, a well regarded Mexican place in Sunset Park with a 95% Mexican clientele. One star, because he didn't like the chip service.

Went here again,and rewind,tried their Margarita $5 bucks, ok so it's cheap not to be mean, but another thing I despise about this place, is that they don't provide you with free chips and salsa,no you gotta order them. So I ordered guac and chips, the girl brings the Margarita first than the guac and chips, are you high or sumpting?, c'mon, this is a venial sin, you always bring the chips and guac first than the drinks....man..Matamoros, me Mato!


"I don't understand what's wrong with thinking of correlation as a pricing convention the way one thinks of Black-Scholes vol. I mean, vol curves aren't "real" anyway, but nobody uses local vol models to price vanilla options." - Taion
 
"But this is blatant ultracrepidarianism on my part." - Taion

I have a dream of a multiplicity of pastramis.

"once the penis came out, there was discussions as to why we didn't order the testicles" - Daniel describing a meal in China

#4 Lex

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Posted 27 October 2011 - 06:21 PM

Grand Sichuan House in Bay Ridge, one star, awarded because they wouldn't deliver 2 1/2 miles away. The reviewer never tasted the food.

"We don't deliver to your address, Sorry" *CLICK!*

No goodbye, no, nothing... just hung up on me after I placed my order and was giving her the address.
I called back and told her that she didn't have to hang up on me. She says 43rd street just too far, same thing, hung up on me.

I called back and told her I read about the great reviews on the internet, and then she started listening, I told her I was disappointed in her impoliteness... I asked her how far she DID deliver and she said up to 70th street. Then she said Sorry... and before she could hang up on me, I disconnected the call.

So... for all of the people below 70th... save your time on asking for Delivery.

I was SO looking forward to trying the food. But the service is questionable.


"I don't understand what's wrong with thinking of correlation as a pricing convention the way one thinks of Black-Scholes vol. I mean, vol curves aren't "real" anyway, but nobody uses local vol models to price vanilla options." - Taion
 
"But this is blatant ultracrepidarianism on my part." - Taion

I have a dream of a multiplicity of pastramis.

"once the penis came out, there was discussions as to why we didn't order the testicles" - Daniel describing a meal in China

#5 Stone

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Posted 27 October 2011 - 06:21 PM

I know someone who complained that they don't give you free naan at Tulsi!
And that every Chinese restaurant in San Francisco charges for plain white rice!

A Hudson Valley Home.  Kichels --  A Recipe from the Old Country.

Just take those old records off the shelf.


#6 Daisy

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Posted 27 October 2011 - 06:22 PM

Trestle on Tenth - One star. Unrecognizable from this review.

Blech. What a waste of a meal. My glass of muscadet arrived as warm as my husband's pinot noir. The over-peppered crab and beet salad looked sad and jaundiced on the plate and tasted the same. The pumpkin gnocchi, which came on a haphazard bed of leftover diced vegetables cooked to inconsistent done-ness, had the texture and flavor of fried slugs doused in cinnamon. I left wishing I had just stayed home and cooked for myself. For low-key American in this neighborhood, you'd do much better at Cookshop down the street.

The most hilarious part of that 'review' is that Cookshop really, really sucks. I recently discussed this with the guy who owns Appellation Wines, which is next store to Cookshop. We are both mystified by how bullet-proof it is, it's always crowded. And really bad.
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#7 Anthony Bonner

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Posted 27 October 2011 - 06:24 PM

I refuse to believe there is not a tumblr already dedicated to this.

"This is a battle of who blinks first, and we've cut off our eyelids"


#8 Lex

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Posted 27 October 2011 - 06:26 PM

Bar Toto in Park Slope, one star. They never tasted the food.

My husband and I walked out of this place before we even ordered because the service was so bad. They were extremely rude and refused to move us from the table right by the front door- which meant we were receiving large gusts of cold wind and were being bumped constantly by the curtain covering the door. (This review was posted in July.) They were saving the other open tables for the chance that larger groups would come. No, thank you, Bar Toto. Will not go back.


A 2 star review from the Charm Twins.

I went here with a friend of mine who was sober but extremely loud and annoying but in a funny cute way, cursing at the bartender and belittling me in front of the staff, oh good times. The bartender seemed to enjoy it. and served us most of the night. The place was cute and had a real chill vibe with great lighting and their drinks were nice and strong. The food was meh and that's why it got a 2. The calamari tasted fine but it had a poor texture and it turned to rubber. My burger was decent but the panini it was on was tasty and a nice surprise. The pasta with eggplant and smoked mozz was okay, It tasted like something I could have made at home and the mozz was not smoked. I would come back to drink but not to eat.


"I don't understand what's wrong with thinking of correlation as a pricing convention the way one thinks of Black-Scholes vol. I mean, vol curves aren't "real" anyway, but nobody uses local vol models to price vanilla options." - Taion
 
"But this is blatant ultracrepidarianism on my part." - Taion

I have a dream of a multiplicity of pastramis.

"once the penis came out, there was discussions as to why we didn't order the testicles" - Daniel describing a meal in China

#9 Lex

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Posted 27 October 2011 - 06:27 PM

Frankies 457, one star. They didn't eat the food.

I went to Frankies in the dead of winter at 6:45 p.m., thinking that I would slip in the door in a reasonable bit of time and get a table -- not so. The wait was already almost two hours (!) by that point, and the bar and anteroom were full of fools who would wait that long for goddamned meal in Brooklyn.

Maybe the food is good, maybe not, however, you stand little chance of eating it because these frauds have created not a restaurant, but instead a place where you can stand around in a crowded Carroll Gardens broom closet. People like the "Frankies" who claim to operate a "restaurant" that operates on a strict policy of not actually seating customers should be punished for a ridiculous business model. Instead, the sheep of Brooklyn linger and wait, rewarding a a system based on exclusion: The longer you are willing to be kept waiting for food, then naturally, the better a restaurant must be. (See also: Spotted Pig, Momofuku Noodle Bar.)


"I don't understand what's wrong with thinking of correlation as a pricing convention the way one thinks of Black-Scholes vol. I mean, vol curves aren't "real" anyway, but nobody uses local vol models to price vanilla options." - Taion
 
"But this is blatant ultracrepidarianism on my part." - Taion

I have a dream of a multiplicity of pastramis.

"once the penis came out, there was discussions as to why we didn't order the testicles" - Daniel describing a meal in China

#10 Wilfrid

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Posted 27 October 2011 - 06:28 PM

Now you made me go look up the best restaurant in city. This is from the second review I saw. It's rather marvelous:

Economic reality being what it is (hey, we ARE in the middle of a recession) I knew our group of 4 couldn't afford to drop $1,200 on a single meal, even if it is a Thomas Keller tasting menu. So we had planned to order a meal from their "salon" menu, essentially their a la carte menu.
At no point during the reservation process did anyone ask which menu we were ordering from.
At no point during the seating process did anyone ask which menu we were ordering from.
The waiter seats us with a gorgeous view of Columbus circle, and hands us tasting menus. When we ask for salon menus, he literally goes slack-jawed, as if we just slapped his infant son in the face. The following conversation takes place:
"I noticed these are all prix fixe menus, could we get a salon menu?"
"Why?" (with uncomprehending stare)
"Uhhh, we had just planned on order from the salon menu."
"Well, we can shorten it."
"Shorten it?"
"Yes, we can shorten the tasting."
"Uhhh, that's okay, we'd just like to order a few salon items."
"Well this are is reserved for the tasting menu, you'll have to move if you aren't having the chef's tasting.' (with unrepressed contempt)

We were mortified and a bit bewildered. Bear in mind, we were the only people in the "tasting" section, at 5:30pm on a Wednesday.



#11 Lex

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Posted 27 October 2011 - 06:30 PM

Ayada - Two stars

more like a 1.5 star.. maybe it was an off night... but too many issues...

ok here we go ... we get seated and we order 3 appetizers.. we get 2 and they give our 3 rd appetizer to the table next to us.... now these folks came like 20 minutes after we got seated and they get their app in 2 minutes.. oh well i did realize the mistake but the HARAMZAADA ON THE NEXT TABLE dug into the salad in a second... oh well the server realized the mistake but TOO late... I didnt say a word...now I would hope they would jump on it and make my salad right away .. but NOT.. after another 15 minutes,i called the server cancelled the salad and ordered the 2 main course dishes.. I was PISSED... and next thing you know my cancelled salad shows up ... WTF.. oh well .. not too happy.. I sucked it up and ate it...
service was very bad...we asked for our drinks 2 times, hot sauce 3 times, .. I will try this place once more and try the fried whole fish with green mango sauce.. but I dont have high hopes for this place... and I tipped 5%.. thats right.. bad service.. they lucky they got even that much..


And another 2 star

Honestly, the place served you with fork and knife and I had to ask for chopsticks. It played a lame version of English songs covered by Thai artists and non of the other diners were Asian. I am not saying that non Asians don't know how to appreciate real Thai food. But it seems like Ayada is trying very hard to draw a specific crowd that's all.


Too bad the reviewer was unaware that chopsticks aren't used in Thailand.
"I don't understand what's wrong with thinking of correlation as a pricing convention the way one thinks of Black-Scholes vol. I mean, vol curves aren't "real" anyway, but nobody uses local vol models to price vanilla options." - Taion
 
"But this is blatant ultracrepidarianism on my part." - Taion

I have a dream of a multiplicity of pastramis.

"once the penis came out, there was discussions as to why we didn't order the testicles" - Daniel describing a meal in China

#12 Stone

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Posted 27 October 2011 - 06:30 PM

Frankies 457, one star. They didn't eat the food.

I went to Frankies in the dead of winter at 6:45 p.m., thinking that I would slip in the door in a reasonable bit of time and get a table -- not so. The wait was already almost two hours (!) by that point, and the bar and anteroom were full of fools who would wait that long for goddamned meal in Brooklyn.

Maybe the food is good, maybe not, however, you stand little chance of eating it because these frauds have created not a restaurant, but instead a place where you can stand around in a crowded Carroll Gardens broom closet. People like the "Frankies" who claim to operate a "restaurant" that operates on a strict policy of not actually seating customers should be punished for a ridiculous business model. Instead, the sheep of Brooklyn linger and wait, rewarding a a system based on exclusion: The longer you are willing to be kept waiting for food, then naturally, the better a restaurant must be. (See also: Spotted Pig, Momofuku Noodle Bar.)

Democracy = Exclusion. The 99% are coming!

A Hudson Valley Home.  Kichels --  A Recipe from the Old Country.

Just take those old records off the shelf.


#13 Wilfrid

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Posted 27 October 2011 - 06:34 PM

Honestly, these crooked bastards should be strung up, shooting's too good for them.


© Private Eye


#14 Lex

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Posted 27 October 2011 - 06:36 PM

I refuse to believe there is not a tumblr already dedicated to this.

Here at Mouthfuls it is our mission to provide one stop shopping for all your ranting needs.
"I don't understand what's wrong with thinking of correlation as a pricing convention the way one thinks of Black-Scholes vol. I mean, vol curves aren't "real" anyway, but nobody uses local vol models to price vanilla options." - Taion
 
"But this is blatant ultracrepidarianism on my part." - Taion

I have a dream of a multiplicity of pastramis.

"once the penis came out, there was discussions as to why we didn't order the testicles" - Daniel describing a meal in China

#15 Anthony Bonner

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Posted 27 October 2011 - 06:36 PM


I refuse to believe there is not a tumblr already dedicated to this.

Here at Mouthfuls it is our mission to provide one stop shopping for all your ranting needs.

http://fuckyouyelper.tumblr.com/

looks like the same premise but they ran out of gas.

"This is a battle of who blinks first, and we've cut off our eyelids"