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#1 Carolyn Tillie

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Posted 26 March 2007 - 08:52 AM

I'm not even sure where to begin. I spent the day with Trevor, Julian's life partner of 27 years. Trevor is devastated but in his devastation, he brought up Mouthfuls and the people here that Julian had come to love. It is 2:00 in the morning and I am exhausted so I apologize for the disjointed thoughts that follow...

He had been suffering from AIDS for several years. A few months ago, he was hospitalized for an a week or so for expansive blood tests and treatments. These did not go well and it sapped his strength considerably. He had been mostly house-bound since mid-January. Earlier last week, a desperate cold settled into his lungs and by Tuesday night, he was rushed into ICU. I saw him on Wednesday but he was incredibly drugged and while I held his hand, received a slight squeeze of my fingers in acknowledgment of my visit. They could not get the fluid out of his lungs and by Thursday he was fully intubated with artificial life-support. He was kept on life support until Saturday at which time Trevor ordered the machines turned off. Julian fell asleep and passed into his immortal slumber at 4:30 Saturday afternoon.

In what I have learned was his typical up-beat fashion, Julian would make plans "just in case." This was the most heart-breaking for Trevor; months and months of Julian saying, "luv, why don't we go to Danko next week?" Or, "Darling, it has been ages since we went dancing... what are you doing tomorrow evening?" And, "Trev, we haven't cooked dinner for the boys in ages." And he would start to plan a meal...

Apparently late last year, there was talk about him spending his last days abroad. He wanted to live his days out in some romantic, foreign land and talked extensively about moving to Provence or Bulgaria or a little island in the South Seas. He was eternally optimistic, even to the end and fully believed that he was going to get better.

I met Julian for the first time only a few weeks ago. We realized that we ran in the same Pagan circles in San Diego in the late 1980s and I visited he and Trevor several times after that discovery. When Julian's eyes would glint at excitement at the prospects of a restaurant trip, Trevor would wink at me; "Play along," he was saying and I would bring up the menu on the 'net and Julian and I would peruse and plan what he would eat. A few times, I brought some to-go from Vivande or Bushi-Tei, but while the desire was there, his appetite had mostly left him. We sat and knit together while we watched movies.

We watched a lot of movies together. That is what occupied and filled most of his remaining days. He was an avid, life-long movie fan and there was no greater fun for him than to debate and discuss his latest movie. He would watch themes; Kirk Douglas noir movies, Tyrone Power adventure movies, Gladiator movies... He liked to wax poetic about famous people he had met and known or how he would have staged a scene differently. We talked about movies a lot - and food and art and knitting and travelling. In just a very short time, I grew to love this darling, elegant man, who faced what he knew to be his end with dignity and strength. He never talked about the inevitable and was the consummate optimist.

He was a kind, passionate, elegant man - even until the end.

#2 Behemoth

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Posted 26 March 2007 - 10:48 AM

I just sent him a goofy card from Munich a few days ago, to thank him for the scarf. I guess I was too late. I really just don't know what to say. I know he quickly became a favorite poster for a lot of people here, myself included.
Summarizing, then, we assume that relational information is not subject to a corpus of utterance tokens upon which conformity has been defined by the paired utterance test.
-Chomskybot

#3 Ron Johnson

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Posted 26 March 2007 - 11:24 AM

This is shocking and sad news. 24K's movie reviews were unmatched on the site. Thoughts and prayers to his friends and family.

#4 Liza

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Posted 26 March 2007 - 11:24 AM

Oh no.
He had certainly become a favorite of mine, His charm and optimism were obvious in his posts. Our deepest sympathy to Trevor.
“And another thing. You don't have to "move on" either. Not until you're ready. People say, Oh, you should be grateful. They say, Oh, it's time for you to move on. I'm like, What are you, a cop with a nightstick? I'll move on when I'm done playing the blues on my harmonica, thank you very much.

Really, people will tell you all kinds of garbage. Don't believe it.

You don't have to move on until you're ready.”

#5 fantasty

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Posted 26 March 2007 - 11:36 AM

My heart sank when I saw his name on this thread. Very sad.
"My hogs were so lean you had to put lard in the pan just to cook your bacon" - Papa Wilson, 1918 - 2007

#6 omnivorette

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Posted 26 March 2007 - 11:42 AM

I am so very sorry to hear this news. We had recently exchanged some PMs about the wonderful knitting shops in Zurich, and I only just xeroxed a pattern we had talked about to send to him.

My condolences to his partner. What sad news.
"It seems a positively Quixotic quest to defend food from being used as any kind of social signifier, as if it could avoid the fate of each other component of our everyday lives." -Wilfrid

#7 GG Mora

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Posted 26 March 2007 - 12:48 PM

Carolyn, how wonderful that you got to know Julian like that, and how sad for you to have to be the bearer of such bad news – again. It sounds like he really was “24k”. Condolences to Trevor.

#8 Aaron T

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Posted 26 March 2007 - 12:51 PM

This is shocking and sad news. 24K's movie reviews were unmatched on the site. Thoughts and prayers to his friends and family.


What Ron said. Julian became an integral part of the MF community so soon after joining. This is very tragic. Best wishes to Trevor and to his whole family.
"There just aren't many new "uptight" reservation places opening, especially in the neighborhoods where older, more sophisticated diners are trolling for youngish women." - Stone

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#9 StephanieL

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Posted 26 March 2007 - 12:52 PM

I was so sad to see this. I had very much hoped he and I would be able to get together when I was in SF. I know he had wanted to come to lunch at Swan Oyster Depot, and that he very much regretted that he was not feeling well enough that day to join me. Now I'll never have the chance to meet him.

Here's hoping he's eating well on the other side...
"Socialism never took root in America because the poor see themselves not as an exploited proletariat but as temporarily embarrassed millionaires." --John Steinbeck


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#10 Squeat Mungry

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Posted 26 March 2007 - 12:58 PM

I'm so sorry to hear this, and that I never got to meet him. My deepest condolences to Trevor.
It is a pretty poem, Mr. Pope, but you must not call it Homer. -- Richard Bentley

#11 Blondie

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Posted 26 March 2007 - 01:06 PM

This is so sad. I'll miss his movie reviews and good humor. Sincerest condolences to Trevor.
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#12 SLBunge

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Posted 26 March 2007 - 01:07 PM

Oh dear. Tragic confirmation of a thought that had crossed my mind when I had not seen a post from him in several days. I really enjoyed his posts, particularly about film.

My condolences to Trevor.
Suffocating under a pile of cheese curds.

#13 Steven Dilley

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Posted 26 March 2007 - 01:10 PM

What awful news. Like many here, I very much looked forward to his posts. He'll be missed.
Say what you will about the ten commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them.

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#14 Lex

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Posted 26 March 2007 - 01:15 PM

He was a smart and funny man. It's a tribute to him that he became so well liked in so short a time. I will miss him very much.

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#15 Lippy

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Posted 26 March 2007 - 01:21 PM

I'm so sorry to hear this. I enjoyed his contributions to MF. I'm happy to have one of the last scarves he knitted.