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Signs the apocalypse is coming


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#16 splinky

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Posted 17 June 2008 - 01:03 AM

QUOTE(Liza @ Jun 16 2008, 08:59 PM) View Post
Battery-operated mascara:
News that cosmetics behemoth Estée Lauder will be launching a battery-operated, vibrating mascara in the US this summer has caused a wave of eyelash batting the world over. Decorum dictates that we pass over the imposing legacy of female-orientated appliances that vibrate for no apparent reason, and focus instead on the magnitude that will be bestowed by the melodiously named TurboLash All Effects Motion Mascara.
Those inclined to scoff at the very notion that mascara might require battery power must be reminded that, in certain circles, the way you sweep your lash is everything.

i want a piece of all the class action dough as a result of all the scratched corneas and eye infections. not to mention scars from leaking battery acid

“One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. 'Oh, no!', I said, 'Disneyland burned down.' He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.”
~Jack Handey

*proud descendant of cheese eating surrender monkeys*

 


#17 Rose

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Posted 17 June 2008 - 01:15 AM

Overheard on a train from Wassaic, NY to Grand Central Station, yesterday:

Two women and three young girls, probably daughters about 9-12 yrs old:

Girl #1: Can you believe it? In my class no one knew what a pronoun was!

Girl#2: Oh my gawd, what kind of dumb class are you in?

Girl #1: yeah, you said it

Woman #1: So what IS a pronoun?

Girl #1: Well, CHICKEN is a noun and CHICKENS is a pronoun

blink.gif
curb your god

If we believe absurdities, we shall commit atrocities. (Voltaire)


One is often told that it is very wrong to attack religion because religion makes men virtuous. So I am told; I have not noticed it. (Bertrand Russell)

Believing there is no god gives me more room for belief in family, people, love, truth, beauty, sex, Jell-O, and all things I can prove and that make this life the best life I will ever have. (Penn Jillette)

CERES GALLERY

#18 Melonious Thunk

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Posted 17 June 2008 - 01:37 AM

The apocalypse has been well underway for some years now. Haven't you noticed all the empty shoes of the chosen who have been lifted to paradise? And the ever- rising tide of shit that is around us.
"Pippa, I'm going to tell you something and it's important. Sometimes you have to go to work."__Hannah Marie Konstadt, Two years, nine months.

'How high can you stoop?"__Oscar Levant.

#19 yvonne johnson

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Posted 17 June 2008 - 01:50 AM

QUOTE(Melonious Thunk @ Jun 16 2008, 09:37 PM) View Post
The apocalypse has been well underway for some years now. Haven't you noticed all the empty shoes of the chosen who have been lifted to paradise? And the ever- rising tide of shit that is around us.

Is this some religious rant? Or just some observation that when hippos go into water there is some displacement activity?
It was not a new dish, as I recognised my tooth marks. Wilfrid

#20 JPW

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Posted 20 June 2008 - 01:02 PM

Pregnancy pact
"You know what we need around here? More guidelines. I don't think we have enough guidelines. I mean -- look at that other place, it even has guidelines for its guidelines."

"Also, we don't "ban" people in the arbitrary fashion you are describing. It's a meticulous and careful process, which is only used sparingly." -jhlurie (now ex-officio)

#21 splinky

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Posted 20 June 2008 - 04:21 PM

QUOTE(JPW @ Jun 20 2008, 09:02 AM) View Post

how scary is that?

“One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. 'Oh, no!', I said, 'Disneyland burned down.' He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.”
~Jack Handey

*proud descendant of cheese eating surrender monkeys*

 


#22 Rebecca

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Posted 20 June 2008 - 04:53 PM

Even more puzzling is that most of the TV news time last night was about blaming the school administration for not allowing the distribution of condoms/contraception. A bizarre non sequitor thought process. And nobody could find any girl or parent to comment. Most likely the only one punished will be the 24 year old homeless guy. Brains are scrambled. Earthquakes, floods, teenage pregnancy pacts. Repent and be saved. The End is coming for sure.
"I saw them eating and I knew who they were." -Kahlil Gibran

#23 g.johnson

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Posted 13 January 2010 - 06:36 PM

According to the world service Gieves and Hawkes new head cutter is a woman.
The Obnoxious Glyn Johnson

#24 Lex

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Posted 13 January 2010 - 07:03 PM

QUOTE(g.johnson @ Jan 13 2010, 01:36 PM) View Post
According to the world service Gieves and Hawkes new head cutter is a woman.

Hairy too.


“I have a dream of a multiplicity of pastramis.”

"One of the Evil Twin beers I tried smelled like a foot." - LiquidNY

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#25 splinky

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Posted 13 January 2010 - 07:18 PM

QUOTE(g.johnson @ Jan 13 2010, 01:36 PM) View Post
According to the world service Gieves and Hawkes new head cutter is a woman.

thank goodness, i never ditched the old school shirts and vests that i nicked from my old boyfriend. i certainly hope that she won't be allowed to cut on the days when she has her menstrual period

“One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. 'Oh, no!', I said, 'Disneyland burned down.' He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.”
~Jack Handey

*proud descendant of cheese eating surrender monkeys*

 


#26 g.johnson

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Posted 29 March 2010 - 05:24 PM

The English cricket season is opening with the traditional match between the MCC and the previous season's county champion Durham.

In Dubai.

With pink balls.





The Obnoxious Glyn Johnson

#27 Stone

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Posted 29 March 2010 - 06:04 PM

QUOTE(g.johnson @ Jan 13 2010, 02:36 PM) View Post
According to the world service Gieves and Hawkes new head cutter is a woman.


Hush, hush.  Keep it down now.


#28 g.johnson

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Posted 20 November 2010 - 02:14 PM

Wee frees allow hymn singing.
The Obnoxious Glyn Johnson

#29 Anthony Bonner

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Posted 20 November 2010 - 03:23 PM

Wee frees allow hymn singing.

hymns today, free will tomorrow
Why not mayo?

#30 splinky

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Posted 20 November 2010 - 03:37 PM

Wee frees allow hymn singing.

when i was at divinity school, we all saw this coming from a mile away

“One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. 'Oh, no!', I said, 'Disneyland burned down.' He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.”
~Jack Handey

*proud descendant of cheese eating surrender monkeys*