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The surrealism of everyday life


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#11671 splinky

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Posted 25 March 2012 - 05:22 AM

dick cheney finally has a heart

“One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. 'Oh, no!', I said, 'Disneyland burned down.' He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.”
~Jack Handey

*proud descendant of cheese eating surrender monkeys*

 


#11672 splinky

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Posted 27 March 2012 - 02:11 PM

Thank you for enrolling.

Dear myverizon.com customer,

Congratulations! Your 60 day Trial has ended and you are now enrolled in Paper Free Billing. This means you will no longer receive a copy of your bill in the mail. You will continue to receive monthly emails or text messages to notify you that your bill is ready to be viewed online.

We know you'll enjoy the benefits of Verizonís Paper Free and Online Billing - here are just a few:

Instant email notification or text message whenever your new statement is ready to view
Convenience to review your Verizon accounts 24/7
Switching to Paper Free billing is an easy way to help the environment
Easy Pay
You can save time and never worry about missing a payment when you sign up for monthly automatic payments at MyVerizon.com - pick a plan that best fits your needs.

If for any reason you wish to cancel out of Paper Free Billing and choose to receive a paper bill from Verizon, just take these easy steps:

Select the following link and sign in:
Manage your Paper Free Options
Select US Mail Delivery (De-Enroll) Option
Please select a reason for de-enrolling, and then press the Submit button.
Thank you for allowing us to serve you.

Sincerely,
Verizon


but, but, but, i did not sign up for this! why is verizon gaslighting me?

“One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. 'Oh, no!', I said, 'Disneyland burned down.' He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.”
~Jack Handey

*proud descendant of cheese eating surrender monkeys*

 


#11673 ghostrider

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Posted 27 March 2012 - 02:38 PM



Thank you for enrolling.

Dear myverizon.com customer,

Congratulations! Your 60 day Trial has ended and you are now enrolled in Paper Free Billing. This means you will no longer receive a copy of your bill in the mail. You will continue to receive monthly emails or text messages to notify you that your bill is ready to be viewed online.

We know you'll enjoy the benefits of Verizonís Paper Free and Online Billing - here are just a few:

Instant email notification or text message whenever your new statement is ready to view
Convenience to review your Verizon accounts 24/7
Switching to Paper Free billing is an easy way to help the environment
Easy Pay
You can save time and never worry about missing a payment when you sign up for monthly automatic payments at MyVerizon.com - pick a plan that best fits your needs.

If for any reason you wish to cancel out of Paper Free Billing and choose to receive a paper bill from Verizon, just take these easy steps:

Select the following link and sign in:
Manage your Paper Free Options
Select US Mail Delivery (De-Enroll) Option
Please select a reason for de-enrolling, and then press the Submit button.
Thank you for allowing us to serve you.

Sincerely,
Verizon


but, but, but, i did not sign up for this! why is verizon gaslighting me?

Did you ever pay a bill on line? It's easy to click the wrong box & get enrolled in paper-free.

Or else they've simply chosen to gaslight you.
It was hard to avoid the feeling that somebody, somewhere, was missing the point. I couldn't even be sure that it wasn't me. - Douglas Adams

Please come visit my rock concert blog: Tantalized.

#11674 splinky

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Posted 27 March 2012 - 04:16 PM

A 20 year old just hit on me! He was very much a gentleman, introduced himself, and offered his hand. Part of his rap was that he was in junior college. I had to break it to the young fella that graduated college 30 years ago.

“One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. 'Oh, no!', I said, 'Disneyland burned down.' He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.”
~Jack Handey

*proud descendant of cheese eating surrender monkeys*

 


#11675 hollywood

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Posted 27 March 2012 - 06:10 PM

A 20 year old just hit on me! He was very much a gentleman, introduced himself, and offered his hand. Part of his rap was that he was in junior college. I had to break it to the young fella that graduated college 30 years ago.

He's looking for a cougar.

I got that gin in my system
Somebody's gon' be my victim.

 

Big Freedia


#11676 splinky

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Posted 27 March 2012 - 06:20 PM


A 20 year old just hit on me! He was very much a gentleman, introduced himself, and offered his hand. Part of his rap was that he was in junior college. I had to break it to the young fella that graduated college 30 years ago.

He's looking for a cougar.

If I wanted to buy toys for boys, his age, I'd have grandchildren.

“One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. 'Oh, no!', I said, 'Disneyland burned down.' He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.”
~Jack Handey

*proud descendant of cheese eating surrender monkeys*

 


#11677 hollywood

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Posted 27 March 2012 - 06:29 PM



A 20 year old just hit on me! He was very much a gentleman, introduced himself, and offered his hand. Part of his rap was that he was in junior college. I had to break it to the young fella that graduated college 30 years ago.

He's looking for a cougar.

If I wanted to buy toys for boys, his age, I'd have grandchildren.

You must be underestimating your youthful appearance and appeal.

I got that gin in my system
Somebody's gon' be my victim.

 

Big Freedia


#11678 Sneakeater

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Posted 27 March 2012 - 07:20 PM

He might be after her money.
Bar Loser

MF Old

#11679 splinky

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Posted 27 March 2012 - 10:33 PM




A 20 year old just hit on me! He was very much a gentleman, introduced himself, and offered his hand. Part of his rap was that he was in junior college. I had to break it to the young fella that graduated college 30 years ago.

He's looking for a cougar.

If I wanted to buy toys for boys, his age, I'd have grandchildren.

You must be underestimating your youthful appearance and appeal.

i'll leave the teenyboppers to sneakeater

“One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. 'Oh, no!', I said, 'Disneyland burned down.' He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.”
~Jack Handey

*proud descendant of cheese eating surrender monkeys*

 


#11680 bloviatrix

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Posted 30 March 2012 - 12:31 AM

This morning's commute - we're sitting in the station at 34th station, just idling, waiting for the doors to close - which they don't. When the announcement is made that "we're being held in the station because there's unauthorized personnel on the rail-bed."
Future Legacy Participant.

#11681 g.johnson

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Posted 05 April 2012 - 09:57 PM

Steven Seagal, Buddhist and lawman.

Suspecting a man of being involved in cockfighting, Arpaio's office mounted an assault on his property that featured between 30 and 40 fully armed Swat officers, the entire county bomb unit, a bomb robot, canine units, the use of explosive devices, and a camouflage-geared Steven Seagal driving into his house. Literally Ė Seagal was in a tank.


And they ran over the family dog.
The Obnoxious Glyn Johnson

#11682 splinky

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Posted 05 April 2012 - 10:08 PM

came into possession of a copy of the "bill of sale" for my great-grandfather, his mother and brother. a bargain at $1010 USD for the three of them.

“One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. 'Oh, no!', I said, 'Disneyland burned down.' He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.”
~Jack Handey

*proud descendant of cheese eating surrender monkeys*

 


#11683 Sneakeater

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Posted 05 April 2012 - 10:36 PM

That is one of the most awesome things I've ever heard.

Are you going to display it? Or just keep it somewhere?
Bar Loser

MF Old

#11684 splinky

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Posted 05 April 2012 - 10:49 PM

That is one of the most awesome things I've ever heard.

Are you going to display it? Or just keep it somewhere?

they fetched a good price, for the time, but i'm not sure it's the sort of thing you brag about in a formal display.
frankly, it felt more stomach turning than awesome, to me.
fun fact, the guy who bought them was also the father of my great-grandmother

“One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. 'Oh, no!', I said, 'Disneyland burned down.' He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.”
~Jack Handey

*proud descendant of cheese eating surrender monkeys*

 


#11685 ghostrider

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Posted 05 April 2012 - 11:05 PM


That is one of the most awesome things I've ever heard.

Are you going to display it? Or just keep it somewhere?

they fetched a good price, for the time, but i'm not sure it's the sort of thing you brag about in a formal display.
frankly, it felt more stomach turning than awesome, to me.
fun fact, the guy who bought them was also the father of my great-grandmother

Whew. How did you track that down?
It was hard to avoid the feeling that somebody, somewhere, was missing the point. I couldn't even be sure that it wasn't me. - Douglas Adams

Please come visit my rock concert blog: Tantalized.