A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."
"He had delusions of adequacy." Walter Kerr
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
Winston Churchill
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." Moses Hadas
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." Mark Twain
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.."
Oscar Wilde
“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one." George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second ... if there is one." Winston Churchill, in response.
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."
Stephen Bishop
"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." John Bright
"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others."
Samuel Johnson
"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." Paul Keating
"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
Charles, Count Talleyrand
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." Forrest Tucker
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" Mark Twain
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." Mae West
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
Oscar Wilde
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." Andrew Lang
"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." Billy Wilder
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
Groucho Marx
awesome insults and sophisticated snaps
#1
-
- Members
-
- 17,596 posts
Advanced Member
Posted 08 August 2011 - 07:11 PM
“One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. 'Oh, no!', I said, 'Disneyland burned down.' He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.”
~Jack Handey
*proud descendant of cheese eating surrender monkeys*
#2
-
- Members
-
- 18,877 posts
Advanced Member
Posted 08 August 2011 - 07:20 PM
When Cameron demanded a retraction: I said he would not steal a red hot stove. I take that back.
#3
-
- Members
-
- 13,308 posts
Advanced Member
Posted 08 August 2011 - 07:29 PM
#4
-
- Members
-
- 20,906 posts
Advanced Member
Posted 08 August 2011 - 08:01 PM
purdah nahin jab koi khuda se, bandon se purdah karna kya?
~shaqeel badayuni
if it takes us seven years to prepare for a madness, how long shall it take us to run naked into the marketplace?
~yoruba proverb
facts are meaningless. you could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!
~homer simpson
maybe it wasn't the best wording.
~nathan
#5
-
- Members
-
- 18,877 posts
Advanced Member
Posted 08 August 2011 - 08:09 PM
AE, after pause: Who is the third?
#6
-
- Members
-
- 7,919 posts
Advanced Member
Posted 08 August 2011 - 08:28 PM
Lady Astor to Winston Churchill: "If you were my husband I'd give you poison."
Churchill to Lady Astor: "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."
#7
-
- Members
-
- 15,266 posts
Advanced Member
Posted 08 August 2011 - 08:51 PM
"He looks like the guy in a science fiction movie who is the first to see the Creature" - David Frye on Gerald Ford
"He was a man of splendid abilities but utterly corrupt. Like rotten mackerel by moonlight, he shines and stinks." - John Randolph on Edward Livingstone
"None of you get it." - Wilfrid (on the Beatles)
"I don't have time to point out all the ways in which you're wrong" - irnscrabblechf52
#8
-
- Admin
-
- 30,371 posts
Advanced Member
Posted 08 August 2011 - 08:56 PM
Churchill: "And you're ugly. But in the morning, I shall be sober."
#9
-
- Members
-
- 15,266 posts
Advanced Member
Posted 08 August 2011 - 09:01 PM
"None of you get it." - Wilfrid (on the Beatles)
"I don't have time to point out all the ways in which you're wrong" - irnscrabblechf52
#10
-
- Members
-
- 1,449 posts
Advanced Member
Posted 08 August 2011 - 09:03 PM
The entire script from the movie "Caddyshack"
Photography is jazz for the eye. - William Claxton
#11
-
- Members
-
- 17,596 posts
Advanced Member
Posted 08 August 2011 - 09:38 PM
“One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. 'Oh, no!', I said, 'Disneyland burned down.' He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.”
~Jack Handey
*proud descendant of cheese eating surrender monkeys*
#12
-
- Members
-
- 13,308 posts
Advanced Member
Posted 08 August 2011 - 10:03 PM
#13
-
- Members
-
- 10,491 posts
Advanced Member
Posted 09 August 2011 - 04:09 PM
"You make your chilaquiles with Doritos." Mongo Jones to Rancho Gordo.
I think you have it backwARDS! Mongo is incapable of a witty snap anyway. He tries and he's plucky and that's why you want to give him a big hug.
"How do you say 'Yum-o' in Swedish? Or is it Swiss? What do they speak in Switzerland?"- Rachel Ray
#14
-
- Members
-
- 20,906 posts
Advanced Member
Posted 09 August 2011 - 06:37 PM
derek walcott's preferred nickname for v.s naipaul: "v.s. nightfall".
purdah nahin jab koi khuda se, bandon se purdah karna kya?
~shaqeel badayuni
if it takes us seven years to prepare for a madness, how long shall it take us to run naked into the marketplace?
~yoruba proverb
facts are meaningless. you could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!
~homer simpson
maybe it wasn't the best wording.
~nathan
#15
-
- Members
-
- 2,862 posts
Advanced Member
Posted 09 August 2011 - 08:14 PM
. . . . . . . . . . . . . Pete/Houston
SOAC . . .
. . "for the discreet and refined enjoyment of uncommon wine . .
. . . . and victuals and the companionship accruing thereto" . . . .
