25 replies to this topic

[Lex]

First off, this isn’t a rant, some jeremiad about “these kids today and their smart phones.” Instead it’s a description of something that’s new, a behavior pattern that’s only come into existence in the last five years that has been largely unexamined by the main stream media. Maybe some of you have some insights into why people do it.

On Saturday night Deb and I had dinner at Dhaba, a very good Indian restaurant in Curry Hill. It attracts a crowd that skews youngish, late 20s to mid 30s, affluent and smart. A group of 3 nicely dressed Indian American men sat next to us. They looked to be about 28. They talked softly but occasionally the noise level in the room dropped enough so we could hear them. They were articulate and interesting.

At a certain point, while guy #1 was talking to guy #2 and #3, guy #3 pulled out a smart phone and began to browse. After about 30 seconds guy #1 stopped his story, smiled and said “Am I boring you?”

Embarrassed, guy #3 put his phone away for the rest of the dinner.

Deb and I were impressed; guy #1 just became our new hero. But the incident begged the question – Why is smart phone browsing acceptable behavior in groups?

Think about it. Ten years ago if you were out with a group at dinner it would have been inconceivable for you to take out a paperback book and begin to read in the middle of the meal. Not only would it be considered rude, people would think you were nuts.

And yet now you see a similar type of behavior all the time. Guy #1 was a heroic exception – most people just tolerate browsing friends.

Lets dispense with the obvious excuses. A pressing need to read some business related email. A sick relative who needs to be monitored. A crisis in your love life. Those things are rare. Most people browse in social situations for the same reason a dog licks its balls – because they can.

Of course it’s more complicated than that. I’ll throw out two ideas.

Better Dealing
This was a concept I first heard about on the old Don Imus show. You’re at a party talking to an acquaintance. After a minute you realize he’s constantly looking over your shoulder, scanning the room, looking for someone more interesting than you. You've actually seen him do it with other people. He’s never content with whoever he’s with, he’s always looking for a better deal.

Smart phones make it really easy to better deal. You can constantly scan the entire Internet looking for something more interesting than having to converse with the people at the table.

Short Attention Spans
I’m absolutely convinced that attention spans have shrunk over the last 20 years. People have an ever increasing need for faster and more intense stimulation. I’ll give you an example. Watch this clip from Guy Fieri’s Diners Drive-Ins and Dives.




In the first 30 seconds there are 9 separate cuts. Every 3 seconds. Pretty fast, right? But then, for the next 60 seconds there are 46 separate cuts. Every 1.5 seconds the camera jumps to something else.

I find that exhausting but clearly some people like it. And lest you think this is a nutty Guy Fieri phenomenon, try watching some other Food Network shows. Laura Calder, a very entertaining French Canadian woman, does a show called French Food at Home. She’s a very relaxed and laid back person yet the camera work is frenetic. When they’re not jumping from shot to shot the camera randomly goes in and out of focus or they just shake the damn thing for the fuck of it.

The producers must think it’s “edgy” – I think it’s stupid, but I also think I may be in the minority. I think browsing while out with a group is a way for people to generate extra stimulation because being with their friends isn’t exciting enough.

Well, those are my 2 hypotheses for why people browse while they’re with other people– better dealing and sort attention span.

Thoughts?

[Anthony Bonner]

I hope you don't have a lawn at home. Otherwise you'd be hoarse from constantly telling those kids to get off it.

[Lex]

I hope you don't have a lawn at home. Otherwise you'd be hoarse from constantly telling those kids to get off it.

I figure most people must take out their phones and browse on you all the time. In your case, it's understandable.

[Anthony Bonner]

I hope you don't have a lawn at home. Otherwise you'd be hoarse from constantly telling those kids to get off it.

I figure most people must take out their phones and browse on you all the time. In your case, it's understandable.

better dealing or short attention span? or both (please say both please say both)

[ghostrider]

I hope you don't have a lawn at home. Otherwise you'd be hoarse from constantly telling those kids to get off it.

I figure most people must take out their phones and browse on you all the time. In your case, it's understandable.

I always wondered what they did after they got done texting me on Facebook.

[SLBunge]

I couldn't sit still long enough to read through your entire post.

Could you see what the guy was browsing on his phone?

[Orik]

Remember when young people that day used cell phones at all times, even placing them on dining tables at times? I'm so happy reason has prevailed and they all went back to taking calls in their study between four and seven.

[Lex]

Remember when young people that day used cell phones at all times, even placing them on dining tables at times? I'm so happy reason has prevailed and they all went back to taking calls in their study between four and seven.

I was waiting for someone to bring that up. The differences is that taking calls is occasional, the browsing is semi constant.

I suppose we can just say "that's the way things are now" and move on. Why even think about major changes? Just go with the flow.

[Orik]

Why do you think they're browsing, as opposed to texting, looking at facebook statuses, checking bloomberg, and so on? Or do you lump all of those as activities that do not enjoy the same priority as small talk?

I'm not arguing that it's not rude in certain contexts (I mean, people are rude sometimes with or without their phones), but I don't think of it as rude today if I stand and talk to someone at the coffee shop and they tell me "hold on, I need to answer this, my wife can't find the dog's poop bags", or if someone starts googling something that's come up in conversation (what's the name of the fake Island where carnival cruise ships stop? oh, Labadee ™)

[Lippy]

I don't think of it as rude today if I stand and talk to someone at the coffee shop and they tell me "hold on, I need to answer this, my wife can't find the dog's poop bags", or if someone starts googling something that's come up in conversation (what's the name of the fake Island where carnival cruise ships stop? oh, Labadee ™)

I don't think Lex is talking about that kind of activity. The first example is similar to answering a call (although one can ask if the phone should have been on in the first place.) The second example is really part of the on-going conversation. I think what he has in mind is more like something that happened in my home a year or so ago. I had a colleague of Ranitidine's and his wife over to dinner. Throughout, the wife had her cell phone either on the table or against her ear, either waiting for or replying to her college-age daughter, who was involved in a sorority rush and absolutely needed to apprise her mother of her every move and decision. The mother, of course, needed to know everything. The colleague kept throwing her wife meaningful looks, which she ignored and at one point, he even said something, which she also ignored. Needless to say, these people have never received another invitation from me.

[Lex]

Why do you think they're browsing, as opposed to texting, looking at facebook statuses, checking bloomberg, and so on? Or do you lump all of those as activities that do not enjoy the same priority as small talk?

I'm not arguing that it's not rude in certain contexts (I mean, people are rude sometimes with or without their phones), but I don't think of it as rude today if I stand and talk to someone at the coffee shop and they tell me "hold on, I need to answer this, my wife can't find the dog's poop bags", or if someone starts googling something that's come up in conversation (what's the name of the fake Island where carnival cruise ships stop? oh, Labadee ™)

Again, I understand people taking phone calls in certain situations. As to your specific example, you didn't plan out an afternoon at the coffee shop with a friend in advance. You just bumped into an acquaintance. Different rules. And then there are nuances. If you were at a dinner with another couple and the guy's phone rang, it would be perfectly acceptable for him to say "Excuse me, I've got to take this." The 2 minute rule kicks in - I expect him to wrap it up reasonably quickly. What I *don't* expect is for him to have a 20 minute conversation with somebody about the plot line on Mad Men. That would be disrespectful to you and your wife.

To get back to smart phones, I *like* them. You can make or change social plans on the fly. Settle a point that's come up in conversation. Look up an address. Get a score. See who's winning a chess match. Terrific stuff. I'm talking about something else.

If a group of friends makes plans to get together on Saturday night they probably can skip checking their Facebook status for a couple of hours. They could also skip checking their email for cute links to cat videos on YouTube.

You get out a lot. Look around the room for a group of 4 or 5 people. I guarantee 2 of them will have their phones out. This is different from people making calls. Calls are episodic events; the type of browsing I'm talking about is almost constant.

[Orik]

I think if you look more closely you'll find that a lot of this activity is answering texts (my dog poop bag example was a text, not a call), which are less intrusive than calls in some ways, but more intrusive in other ways.

[Adrian]

Why do you think they're browsing, as opposed to texting, looking at facebook statuses, checking bloomberg, and so on? Or do you lump all of those as activities that do not enjoy the same priority as small talk?

I'm not arguing that it's not rude in certain contexts (I mean, people are rude sometimes with or without their phones), but I don't think of it as rude today if I stand and talk to someone at the coffee shop and they tell me "hold on, I need to answer this, my wife can't find the dog's poop bags", or if someone starts googling something that's come up in conversation (what's the name of the fake Island where carnival cruise ships stop? oh, Labadee ™)

Again, I understand people taking phone calls in certain situations. As to your specific example, you didn't plan out an afternoon at the coffee shop with a friend in advance. You just bumped into an acquaintance. Different rules. And then there are nuances. If you were at a dinner with another couple and the guy's phone rang, it would be perfectly acceptable for him to say "Excuse me, I've got to take this." The 2 minute rule kicks in - I expect him to wrap it up reasonably quickly. What I *don't* expect is for him to have a 20 minute conversation with somebody about the plot line on Mad Men. That would be disrespectful to you and your wife.

To get back to smart phones, I *like* them. You can make or change social plans on the fly. Settle a point that's come up in conversation. Look up an address. Get a score. See who's winning a chess match. Terrific stuff. I'm talking about something else.

If a group of friends makes plans to get together on Saturday night they probably can skip checking their Facebook status for a couple of hours. They could also skip checking their email for cute links to cat videos on YouTube.

You get out a lot. Look around the room for a group of 4 or 5 people. I guarantee 2 of them will have their phones out. This is different from people making calls. Calls are episodic events; the type of browsing I'm talking about is almost constant.

I think it's an industry thing. Most of my friends (ie. late 20s, young professionals) are compensated for one thing - time and availability, not our ability to, you know, actually be useful. It starts early. On day one, summer associates are told 1) welcome, 2) here's your blackberry, 3) leave it out at all times, even lunch (because what is a summer associate program really?). It normalizes the behaviour. It's a small step from "I need to constantly check my work e-mail" to "let's also check my social e-mails". I notice it far less from my friends that didn't go the law/finance route. Of course, some people are just self centered. I met someone with 1175 Yelp reviews the other day. She starting writing the review before the check came.

ETA: Orik is right too that lots of it is answering texts and figuring out where you're going to go after Indian food.

[Orik]

Instead of not being there at all because they have to be in the office, they're half there.

[Adrian]

Instead of not being there at all because they have to be in the office, they're half there.

bingo. I saw it happen with my dad too - late 50s, start of the smart phone revolution - so it's not just a kidz thing. To be fair, saw a lot more of him that way.