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You know how New York in August is unbearably hot, muggy and miserable? That's Florida in February.

The entire state is a strip mall. It's pastel. It's concrete with a faux-Spanish finish.

Half the population consists elderly New Yorkers, all of whom hail from that area of the Bronx which spawns the worst accents and who can no longer figure out how to pump gas. The other half consists of children who believe that the "surfer-dude" (or dudette) is the ulitmate goal in life. They are morons. Then there's the third half, adults who think it is acceptable to go out in public wearing cut-off shorts and halter t-shirts with a picture of a bird eating the tequila bottle worm. And all too many of them are either obese or anorexic and tanned like cheap leather. And what's with the fucking company-logo golf shirt?*

The restaurants -- the few that aren't called Applebees or TGI Fridays -- can take a beautifully fresh piece of fish and load it up with the gloppiest crap in the world.

And people tell me they love nothing more than sitting on a beach doing nothing, yet they scoff at me for spending a Sunday watching football.

 

 

(Note, I've never been to Miami, and I hear it is filled with half-naked women.)

 

* I believe this is a scandal occuring in many states not called New York City.

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You know how New York in August is unbearably hot, muggy and miserable? That's Florida in February.

The entire state is a strip mall. It's pastel. It's concrete with a faux-Spanish finish.

Half the population consists elderly New Yorkers, all of whom hail from that area of the Bronx which spawns the worst accents and who can no longer figure out how to pump gas. The other half consists of children who believe that the "surfer-dude" (or dudette) is the ulitmate goal in life. They are morons. Then there's the third half, adults who think it is acceptable to go out in public wearing cut-off shorts and halter t-shirts with a picture of a bird eating the tequila bottle worm. And all too many of them are either obese or anorexic and tanned like cheap leather. And what's with the fucking company-logo golf shirt?*

The restaurants -- the few that aren't called Applebees or TGI Fridays -- can take a beautifully fresh piece of fish and load it up with the gloppiest crap in the world.

And people tell me they love nothing more than sitting on a beach doing nothing, yet they scoff at me for spending a Sunday watching football.

 

 

(Note, I've never been to Miami, and I hear it is filled with half-naked women.)

 

* I believe this is a scandal occuring in many states not called New York City.

After a long weekend in Naples, this pretty much sums up how I felt. I had a fine time with the people I was staying with and I suppose it is because I'm a pompous ass and like to spend time with people like me. But the others, who are not like me and are like the three-halves that Stone describes (except the elderly of Naples who seem mostly to hail from the Midwest). The landscape is terrible. The beach houses are faux-fill-in-the-blank (Buddhist temple, Southern plantation, etc.). People overpay for crap food. I just don't get it.

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You know how New York in August is unbearably hot, muggy and miserable? That's Florida in February.

The entire state is a strip mall. It's pastel. It's concrete with a faux-Spanish finish.

Half the population consists elderly New Yorkers, all of whom hail from that area of the Bronx which spawns the worst accents and who can no longer figure out how to pump gas. The other half consists of children who believe that the "surfer-dude" (or dudette) is the ulitmate goal in life. They are morons. Then there's the third half, adults who think it is acceptable to go out in public wearing cut-off shorts and halter t-shirts with a picture of a bird eating the tequila bottle worm. And all too many of them are either obese or anorexic and tanned like cheap leather. And what's with the fucking company-logo golf shirt?*

The restaurants -- the few that aren't called Applebees or TGI Fridays -- can take a beautifully fresh piece of fish and load it up with the gloppiest crap in the world.

And people tell me they love nothing more than sitting on a beach doing nothing, yet they scoff at me for spending a Sunday watching football.

 

 

(Note, I've never been to Miami, and I hear it is filled with half-naked women.)

 

* I believe this is a scandal occuring in many states not called New York City.

 

What he said.

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Lonely, eh? Which reminds me: you forget to bitch about all the Canadians.

 

Seriously, though: if you're anywhere in South Florida, get thee to Loxahatchee, and meditate on the birds. And ranitidine is right about Carl Hiassen. And parts of Elmore Leonard, too.

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I lived in florida for a year in middle school, and still visit regularly. If you get to the old gnarly swampy parts it can be interesting, but those places are disappearing rapidly. There are also some protected beaches near my grandmother's place that are very beautiful. I try to stay away from the people, and the food is utter crap. Except for the spicy conch chowder.

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This is a pretty silly thread.

 

Utter crap? Come on. It's not New York City, but the local fish is outstanding. If you can't find a restaurant that will grill fish without putting crap on it, you must somehow be irresitably attracted to the earlybird's hangouts. There are very few truly good restaurants, and the prices are ridiculous these days, but there are many serviciable ones.

 

I am far from a Florida booster, but the beaches on the west coast are excellent, South Beach is a damn sexy place. And if you think the weather in Florida in February is always like NYC in August, then you must spend your time two feet behind busses.

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I once spent ten days in Naples. Loved it. Particularly the Isle of Capri and the Blue Grotto.

 

I lived for a while on the sand in Panama Beach. That's not Florida, of course. It's the redneck riviera of southern Alabama, where they have odd ideas about iced tea (among other things, they write "sweet ice tea") and you can get good crab claws and fried okra. The best part is Spring Break, when many wonderful things become available.

 

Nevertheless, I don't think I'll go to Florida again.

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And buggy. You forgot buggy. I know. I used to live there. Twice. Once in Orlando and once in Panama City.

 

Buggy.

 

And the fish was all either heavily breaded and deep fried or U-Peel-M.

 

If I wanted to Peel-M, I'd'a stayed home and done it.

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Fifteen years ago, the fish may have been all that way. But I go there once a month on business for four nights, over 50 nights per year. I eat fish every night. I never it fried fish or u-peel 'em. And it seems implausible that all these folks in a food oriented board are so incapapable of doing what I do 50 nights a year.

 

You can definitely be food challenged in many parts of the state. Same is true of New York State.

 

And it definitely is buggy. Florida has many flaws, away from the coasts and the swamps, it is a strip mall. But the bugs in most areas are not as bad as the bugs in Minnesota. It's the "worst in the US" exaggeration and subsequent pile on that bugs me.

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