Ampelman Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 In today's NY Post, Mr. Cuozzo offers "a handy guide to things we'd like owners and chefs to annihilate upon their return" from their late-August peregrinations (headings only below): 1. "CONSULTING" AND OTHER BREEDS OF WANDERING CHEFS. 2. SUSHI IN NON-JAPANESE RESTAURANTS. 3. MENUS ENTIRELY IN A FOREIGN LANGUAGE. 4. FORGETTABLE FADS. 5. RUBBER OCTOPUS. 6. WAITERS WHO RECITE THE MENU WORD FOR WORD. 7. WAITERS WHO DON'T EXPLAIN A MENU THAT NEEDS EXPLAINING. 8. "LUXURY" BURGERS. 9. "DAYBOAT" ANYTHING. 10. PRODUCT PLACEMENT. 11. NARRATIVE DISRUPTION. 12. MOLTEN CHOCOLATE CAKE (in any restaurant not run by Jean-Georges Vongerichten). 13. BRINGING DOWNTOWN UPTOWN. EX-CUOZZO ME! NEW DIRECTIONS FOR FALL Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Rich Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 He's obviously never tasted my molten chocolate cake, which is better and pre-dates any on a JG menu. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lex Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 14. A 3 minute recitation of the specials. 14A. without the prices. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
omnivorette Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 15. Telling diners your first name 15A. Calling diners "guys" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lex Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 16. "Let me explain how our menu works." Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Rich Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 15A. Calling diners "guys" I like being called a guy - you don't? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Rich Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 16. "Let me explain how our menu works." ...much like a combustible engine - there's a lot a gas involved. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sneakeater Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 13A. Bringing uptown downtown. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Daniel Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 As an uptowner, I want downtown uptown please.. Seems like he was looking for a filler.. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Wilfrid1 Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 I lost count. "Have you dined with us before?" "No, but I must have dined in something like two thousand other restaurants, so if I'm unable to understand and order from your menu without an introductory lecture, it's really a problem with your menu." As for The Cuozzo: 2. SUSHI IN NON-JAPANESE RESTAURANTS. Look, just get rid of the crudi stuff - raw fish swamped by oil, salt, fruit, etc - that works for me. 3. MENUS ENTIRELY IN A FOREIGN LANGUAGE. This must be an American thing. (ETA: Where in New York would you find this, anyway - or does he mean food courts in Flushing? Okay, Peasant...) 5. RUBBER OCTOPUS. Surprised to see that - I have been finding great octopus all over town this year. 8. "LUXURY" BURGERS. Make that "re-inventing the burger" in general. 11. NARRATIVE DISRUPTION. Er...right. Hate that. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
rozrapp Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 (Whatever number this is...) Not printing specials out with prices and inserting in the menu. By the time waiters get finished with long recitations, I've forgotten what most of the items are. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lex Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 (Whatever number this is...) Not printing specials out with prices and inserting in the menu. By the time waiters get finished with long recitations, I've forgotten what most of the items are. That was 14 and 14A. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
StephanieL Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 5. RUBBER OCTOPUS. Surprised to see that - I have been finding great octopus all over town this year. He acknowledges that. I think his point is that because so much great octopus is being served, why do some places still have lousy or poorly cooked octopus? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Wilfrid1 Posted September 3, 2008 Share Posted September 3, 2008 A zinger from last week. Waiter, having run through the variations on "How is your meal?" resorted to "Are things working out okay for you?" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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