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NY Dining Bêtes Noires, Fall 2008


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In today's NY Post, Mr. Cuozzo offers "a handy guide to things we'd like owners and chefs to annihilate upon their return" from their late-August peregrinations (headings only below):

 

1. "CONSULTING" AND OTHER BREEDS OF WANDERING CHEFS.

2. SUSHI IN NON-JAPANESE RESTAURANTS.

3. MENUS ENTIRELY IN A FOREIGN LANGUAGE.

4. FORGETTABLE FADS.

5. RUBBER OCTOPUS.

6. WAITERS WHO RECITE THE MENU WORD FOR WORD.

7. WAITERS WHO DON'T EXPLAIN A MENU THAT NEEDS EXPLAINING.

8. "LUXURY" BURGERS.

9. "DAYBOAT" ANYTHING.

10. PRODUCT PLACEMENT.

11. NARRATIVE DISRUPTION.

12. MOLTEN CHOCOLATE CAKE (in any restaurant not run by Jean-Georges Vongerichten).

13. BRINGING DOWNTOWN UPTOWN.

 

EX-CUOZZO ME! NEW DIRECTIONS FOR FALL

 

 

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I lost count.

 

"Have you dined with us before?"

 

"No, but I must have dined in something like two thousand other restaurants, so if I'm unable to understand and order from your menu without an introductory lecture, it's really a problem with your menu."

 

As for The Cuozzo:

 

2. SUSHI IN NON-JAPANESE RESTAURANTS.

 

Look, just get rid of the crudi stuff - raw fish swamped by oil, salt, fruit, etc - that works for me.

 

3. MENUS ENTIRELY IN A FOREIGN LANGUAGE.

 

This must be an American thing. (ETA: Where in New York would you find this, anyway - or does he mean food courts in Flushing? Okay, Peasant...)

 

5. RUBBER OCTOPUS.

 

Surprised to see that - I have been finding great octopus all over town this year.

 

8. "LUXURY" BURGERS.

 

Make that "re-inventing the burger" in general.

 

11. NARRATIVE DISRUPTION.

 

Er...right. Hate that. :unsure:

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5. RUBBER OCTOPUS.

 

Surprised to see that - I have been finding great octopus all over town this year.

 

He acknowledges that. I think his point is that because so much great octopus is being served, why do some places still have lousy or poorly cooked octopus?

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