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The surrealism of everyday life


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Only seen a couple in all the years I've lived in Las Vegas. Much more interesting was a coyote pup that would come out every afternoon at sunset and try and eat golf balls on the course behind my house. Never figured it out that they weren't edible. Guessing natural selection got him.

 

Did see plenty of rattlers, copperheads and water moccasins when I lived in N. Florida though. Had a preserved area that abutted the Intercoastal across the street.. Thankfully they were usually road kill. There were raccoons, armadillos and possums too. But the best was the alligator in the garage .

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We have threads for annoyances and what made us cheerful, but then there's those weird things that happen.....   My workplace is particularly fertile ground for the surreal. 2 current examples:

Yeah, me too.   As soon as I'm a real member, I'll upload a real avatar.   Or did you mean my sig?

You talkin' to me?

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N can beat you all: she's had to deal with small vervet monkeys, and baboons walking through her parents' house.

 

:gold:

indeed

 

We've got raccoons in Inwood Hill Park, as well as skunks that occasionally mosey out along the bordering streets. And groundhogs and rabbits in Fort Tryon Park; seen them on the lawn of the Cloisters. We did once see a raccoon in that park taking a nap about 7 feet up off the ground in a hole in the side of a tree.

 

Our favorite skunk sighting, though, was a couple of summers ago in Brattleboro, Vermont. As we were driving through a residential portion on West Main Street/Route 9, we saw one strolling up someone's walk, from the sidewalk up toward the front door.

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N can beat you all: she's had to deal with small vervet monkeys, and baboons walking through her parents' house.

Winner. But my cousin was a zookeeper in his youth and would bring critters home. His mother did not like the little monkeys running up the curtains and shitting everywhere.

 

There was this boa constrictor too.

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I've actually seen rabbits in the Brooklyn Botanic Garden when I visited early in the morning. I suspect they're around here as well but they tend to keep themselves hidden.

 

 

I've seen a few rabbits on the lawn in front of our LES apartment building. They venture out from under the bushes in the early morning.

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We've got raccoons in Inwood Hill Park, as well as skunks that occasionally mosey out along the bordering streets. And groundhogs and rabbits in Fort Tryon Park; seen them on the lawn of the Cloisters. We did once see a raccoon in that park taking a nap about 7 feet up off the ground in a hole in the side of a tree.

 

What struck me about groundhogs who live in Fort Tryon Park is that they are very well fed.

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Other than chasing a mama raccoon through my old house that came in to chow down on cat food, my closest encounter with wildlife at home was a middle-of-the-night kerfuffle that woke me out of a dead sleep. When I entered the kitchen, lit only by an outside light, I noticed an owl quietly sitting on the edge of my sink. I carefully reached my left hand around behind the owl, grabbed him lightly, and then unlocked two back doors to throw him up to fly away. Not sure how it entered - either my cat caught it outside and brought it through two cat doors, or it chased my cat through two cat doors. I think the former is more likely. I'm just thankful that we all stayed calm and I didn't have to open all the doors to chase it outside.

 

That house had a family of raccoons in the attic for a time, along with possums. In my new house in the middle of Austin, I frequently see silver foxes early in the morning, and occasionally have a scruffy coyote trot across my driveway in the middle of the day. Access to nearby creeks is key here.

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Country life. Decided to set a mousetrap on the stovetop since it seemed to be a nightly hangout. Wired a walnut into the trap. Slept fitfully as we awaited the inevitable clatter. In the morning, the walnut was gone, trap untriggered. No thank you note.

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Country life. Decided to set a mousetrap on the stovetop since it seemed to be a nightly hangout. Wired a walnut into the trap. Slept fitfully as we awaited the inevitable clatter. In the morning, the walnut was gone, trap untriggered. No thank you note.

A friend who has a country house swears by the little battery-powered traps that electrocute the suckers.

 

Then you just dump the body into the trash or wherever, without even having to see it.

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I never told this one.

About 15 years ago I was living on the top floor of a Brooklyn brownstone. The bedroom faced a back yard which extended for a whole block. It was filled with trees. Each house had their individual yards but wildlife shared all of them.

It happened during one of NYC's brutal heat waves. Temperatures climbed to the mid 90s during the day and dropped to the comfy upper 80s at night. I kept 2 air conditioners blasting away - one each in the living room and bed room. They worked pretty well. These were window models with expandable panels on each side which sealed the gap.

One afternoon at the height of the heat wave at around 2:00PM I walked into my bedroom and had a surprise. A big gray squirrel, no doubt driven half mad with the heat, had pushed one of the window panels aside and was laying on my window sill enjoying the cool air. He looked pretty relaxed.

It took me a few seconds to appreciate what I was seeing. Once I did I realized I had to get him out ASAP before he stared exploring the apartment. Calling animal control and playing hide and seek would have been pretty nasty.

But I didn't want to come at him yelling "shoo! shoo!" and waving my hands. Those guys have sharp teeth and claws and he might have leaped at my face.

I looked to the left and saw an umbrella and without thinking I grabbed it like a sword. In my head the Indiana Jones theme began to play. I moved forward slowly thrusting the umbrella and pushed him out the window. It helped enormously that the squirrel was kind of groggy. If he was alert he would have jumped on to my shoulder and bitten my ear.

I got him out without much trouble, pulled the panel closed, then fortified it with heavy books.

He never returned and later he probably told his friends about the lunatic on the 4th floor.

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I saw groundhogs in the wild upstate. Big fuckers.

 

Never seen a live skunk, but drove my some roadkill once. The ambient odor was all I'd expected.

 

Totally. There's a groundhog that lives under my parents' shed, and I'm amazed how big it is. I thought they were small, like gophers.

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Miss A had a bat fly into our UWS apartment when I was on a business trip. She called the doorman and he was tough looking dude that didnt like me much. He would always give me the tough guy routine. He was maybe 5 years younger than me. When he went up to the apartment, Alicia said he took one look at the bar, screamed a high pitched, feminine like sound and ran out of the apartment. She called the police we showed up and did nothing, she called her girlfriend who lived in rural England before who managed to get the bat out.

 

I came back from the business trip and was ready for the never smiling doorman. I walked up and placed a small plastic smiling toy bat on his desk that I was selling for Halloween that year. He turned bright red and couldnt look at me. From then on, he stopped acting like such a bad ass.

 

We pay a lot of money To be protected from nature in New York. These things arent supposed to happen

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