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The surrealism of everyday life


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We have threads for annoyances and what made us cheerful, but then there's those weird things that happen.....   My workplace is particularly fertile ground for the surreal. 2 current examples:

Yeah, me too.   As soon as I'm a real member, I'll upload a real avatar.   Or did you mean my sig?

You talkin' to me?

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Per Eater:

 

Bantam Bagels sells for a whopping $34 million

Bantam Bagels[/size], the Greenwich Village bagel shop that stuffs flavored cream cheeses inside bagel balls, has sold for $34 million. Owners Elyse[/size] and Nick Oleksak[/size] sold to T. Marzetti Co., a subsidiary of Lancaster Colony, but will continue to operate the Manhattan shop at 283 Bleecker St. Bantam’s bagels are now also in more than 9,000 Starbucks locations, in grocery stores, online, and on QVC. In 2015, two years after opening, Bantam appeared on Shark Tank, scoring $275,000 in investment from Lori Greiner in exchange for 25 percent of the business.

Many years ago,I purchased a cap made by Jenny Holzer,with the phrase. “The Future Is Stupid” stuck on the front. It has come to pass,writ large. More money being laundered is how I read events like this...
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I may vomit.

 

Not until you read this:

 

Bantam Bagels, a New York City based, entrepreneur-founded company is noted for reinventing the bagel and explosively growing its distribution from one small shop in New York City’s West Village to nationwide distribution in traditional grocery, club stores, e-commerce and foodservice. Notably, in the foodservice channel, Bantam Bagels® bagel bites are available at Starbucks® cafes nationwide. While maintaining authenticity and a feeling of Saturday-morning coziness in all products they create, Bantam Bagels reinvents iconic foods, bringing innovation, portability and convenience to the breakfast sector. Built around taste and quality first, Bantam’s mini stuffed bagels, pancakes and Egg Bites add disruptive innovation to Lancaster Colony’s core portfolio of frozen bread products and provide a strong complement to the authenticity and quality of Lancaster Colony’s wellestablished New York BRAND Bakery® and Sister Schubert’s® brands. Husband and wife Nick and Elyse Oleksak founded Bantam Bagels in 2013 and will continue to lead the business post-closing with the same entrepreneurial drive, hustle and heart they have demonstrated since day one.

 

They reinvented the fucking bagel.

 

God forbid someone should make just one decent bagel.

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I may vomit.

 

Not until you read this:

 

Bantam Bagels, a New York City based, entrepreneur-founded company is noted for reinventing the bagel and explosively growing its distribution from one small shop in New York City’s West Village to nationwide distribution in traditional grocery, club stores, e-commerce and foodservice. Notably, in the foodservice channel, Bantam Bagels® bagel bites are available at Starbucks® cafes nationwide. While maintaining authenticity and a feeling of Saturday-morning coziness in all products they create, Bantam Bagels reinvents iconic foods, bringing innovation, portability and convenience to the breakfast sector. Built around taste and quality first, Bantam’s mini stuffed bagels, pancakes and Egg Bites add disruptive innovation to Lancaster Colony’s core portfolio of frozen bread products and provide a strong complement to the authenticity and quality of Lancaster Colony’s wellestablished New York BRAND Bakery® and Sister Schubert’s® brands. Husband and wife Nick and Elyse Oleksak founded Bantam Bagels in 2013 and will continue to lead the business post-closing with the same entrepreneurial drive, hustle and heart they have demonstrated since day one.

 

They reinvented the fucking bagel.

 

God forbid someone should make just one decent bagel.

 

 

It isn't the first reinvention.  My jaw dropped open when I first went to L.A. well over 25 years ago and discovered Noah's Bagels (I think that was the place) selling taco bagels, pineapple bagels, etc.  Now they're everywhere.  Bantam is the Dunkin' Donuts' Munchkin Donut Hole of bagels.  Cant believe it took this long.  Or that the idea would be worth this much.  Oy veh. 

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Amazon customer message

 

I have a birthday which I needed this monkey for but instead I got three helicopter refrigerator magnets??? I am so BEYOND PISSED OFF AND I DEMAND THIS BE RE-SENT OUT IMMEDIATELY. I want my CORRECT order. NOT. MAGNETS!!! You guys literally have ONE. JOB. DO IT RIGHT! Thank you for ruining a birthday with your negligence. Send me the monkey.

 

 
Oct 31 7:57 AM
I already sent an email but I am sending a second one since apparently your price has doubled and you only have one more monkey in stock. I want that last monkey shipped to my house immediately without ANY extra charge. Immediately.
 

 

 
 
My thoughtful response 
 

Oct 31 8:05 AM
We don’t appreciate your attitude. Please cancel your order or ask nicely GG

 

 
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Sitting down with my food from smorgasbord to hear a lovely conversation about a man and his colon scraping surgery. The thing was, he was talking to his wife and daughter, the surgery was five years ago. This was more

Of a routine than anything new. It might have been the yearly retelling of the story. At one point he was looking for a new word for colon and I almost helped him out by saying “asshole” but my wife and child were there and I am trying to round out my edges

 

It ended with more talk about their friends and all of their colons.

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More like the scariness of everyday life: a shed behind the houses across the street from us caught fire, with the flames shooting up into the trees.  The fire department was blessedly there very quickly, but because it's so incredibly dry here N and I had to run around the house with our garden hoses, wetting down the roof, sides, and fences.

 

The current fast-moving Camp Fire happening up in Butte County is 75-80 miles north of Sacramento, and the smell and air quality in down here in SF and the East Bay are really bad right now, so I can only imagine what it's like up there.  Given that and the fact that there have been several grass fires already by me, it really could have been a lot worse for us.

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  • 4 weeks later...

just spent an hour talking to this guy... he was an interesting guy... eventually we got around to talking about family.. he has 14 kids, all of them born at home.. the last 9 he acted as the midwife.. i asked him, at what point do you take them to the hospital.. he was like, we didn't... i asked, what about social security numbers or birth certificates, he said, what about it.. they don't have any..

 

i assume this happens in the amish communities but, this guy lives in chicago...

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