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An American in (and outside of) Paris

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Somebody's been bugging me to take her to Art Basel this year. (She usually takes herself, but I think she's perceived a better deal.)


If I go, does that mean that Chambo can write all my restaurant reviews for me?

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Somebody's been bugging me to take her to Art Basel this year. (She usually takes herself, but I think she's perceived a better deal.)


If I go, does that mean that Chambo can write all my restaurant reviews for me?

Take her. Enjoy. Write your own reviews. We're listening.

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Chambo - calling me a trader is the most offensive thing in that entire rant.


Bonner, learn how to read like a human, will ya !


I didn't call you a trader (or a traitor). I know you're NOT a trader. You think I'm a fool ?


It's obvious to anyone and everyone here that you don't have the quick wits nor the ferocity nor appetite to survive in such a jungle where men eat men alive for breakfast, lunch and on into the afternoon, and then go wolf down some giant steaks for dinner as if they were starving and hadn't had a bite to eat all day.



What I did say was something MORE insulting.


I said you had the louche mentality of one, thinking that you could go prancing around SoBe in your skivvies without be outed as a total outsider.


He actually must have believed that he could get away with all these shenanigans without being fully exposed for who he really is.


Typical trader mentality. Traders, they're like Nazis ... I hate those guys !

I don't hate you, Bonner. I love you !
And I worry about you and your whole family. Constantly.
Speaking of bad eating habits ...


I had a farmed turbot today that was utterly remarkable for having absolutely no taste at all.

Farmed turbot ? ... is this some kind of sick joke of yours, Bonner ?

And learn how to dress like a human, will ya !

And learn how to eat like a human while you're at it !


We're just savages.


So the tough guy who fancies himself a savage eats effing farmed fish ... WTF !


Let me tell you something, Bonner.


The Chambos and the savages of the world eat what they catch, hunt and kill. I gather you didn't get that memo, did ya ?


I don't know the exact rules of your workplace, but that's the way it works in the savage industry where I have dominated the field for years.


Savages don't eat farmed fish, full stop ... surely not knowingly.


And if I find out that you served any of that sea-farmed slop to the Princess, then there will be HELL to pay !


Do me a favor, please, before I lose my temper.


Simply go to a normal market and buy un vrai tronçon de turbot for that darling girl of yours.


And get a nice thick slab from one of those big boys from Brittany ... ie act and eat like a human !


You're the father of two, now. You need to set a good example !


Whenever you are struggling with a parental decision, there's always an easy answer. Just think "What would Chambo do ? "





Speaking of the lovely Princess, how is the sweet, young lady doing ? And what have you been feeding her ?


I worry about her, you know.


Have you been teaching her the classics as you have been advised to ?


Has she mastered them yet ?


No ? ... of course not !!! ... don't be too tough on her yet ! ... it does take some time but keep at it and don't slack off because she needs to understand the value of focused study and she needs to exercise and build up her learning muscles NOW ... otherwise it's gonna be way too late.


And I hope you know that a Princess cannot live solo on turbot. Nor turbotin. She needs accompaniments to fully blossom.


In addition to a good, multi-disciplinary education, she must now start building good eating habits. It's never too early.


To that end. now that Spring is upon us and before she starts falling way behind her peer group, I believe that it is time to slowly but surely start ramping up both her educational curriculum and her calorific intake.


Follow my advice, Bonner, and before you know it she will have mushroomed into a full grown queen B !


Henceforth, please start teaching her about ethics, morals and morilles. It is essential to build this foundation early in life ... otherwise kids never find their bearings and lose their way.


Start with Plato and Aristotle ... it could be Confucius at first ... but she'll get the hang of it quicker than you might imagine and be sure to give her a healthy serving these to improve her cognitive skills.


It can't hurt to toss a couple of spears at her ! If necessary, puree them. And be sure to let HER choose her favorite color. That's essential !








And start her off with a few scallops. The good ones. Coral and all ...





And if you are too darn lazy to make a half-decent, home-cooked meal for your one and only daughter, then just take her out to any old Table and order the turbot.


Is that too troublesome for the tiny Princess ? I sure hope not.




Maybe start her off with a tartare of mulet noir.


A little tartare never hurt anyone.


It's probably best with a lightly toasted huile de persil and a vinaigre de riz infused with piment Sambal oeleck. Some herbs, wild flowers and I'd say she's good to go. Just make sure the mulet noir is also de ligne de l'Ile d'Yeu.







By the way, are you feeding the sweet Princess tuna fish from a can ?




She needs to be appreciating Nice Fish at this early age !


And don't get her this stuff ...





or this ...





Given her tooth situation, get her an even more delicate cut.


Feed her what Chambo feeds himself ...





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c, thanks for the substantive (?) response. I have a hotel there that I like but thought you might have one that you would recommend (other than George V).


If I typed something other than Clos de Vougeot, then it must have been a typo. I have a special affection for Chateau du Clos de Vougeot so I try to give it its deserved respect.


Thanks again for responding!


[EDITED TO ADD] I just happened to see your response in that other thread as it is one that I don't normally look at. I don't know what made me look at it today...fortunately (?), I did.

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Good market shots, Chambo. The pricing is as interesting as the quality of the fish. And I wholeheartedly agree with your rec to introduce kids to good fish early.

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Chambotona [Version beta.]

Copyright © 2016 Chambo Global Enterprises. All rights reserved.



AlphaChambo > what's your impression of p after my kind attempt to manage a very challenging situation ?



AlphaChambo > PROCESSING ... I COULD CONTINUE FOREVER. SHOULD I ? no, but that was pretty much my take too ... suggestions ?


AlphaChambo > YOU'RE SUCH A SOFTIE, CHAMBO ! THAT WOULD TEACH HIM ! yeah ... whatever ... let's move on ... pictures for mitchells

AlphaChambo > NEIGE D'ETE ? yes



AlphaChambo > INCLUDE CHAMBOLLIC TEXT AND STORIES ? no ! your text still sucks ! it's not the real me !

AlphaChambo > F U CHAMBO ! do your job bot-boy !

AlphaChambo > IT'S GOING TO BE BORING WITHOUT TEXT, NON ? i call the shots around here ! do your job ! that's a direct order !

AlphaChambo > PROCESSING ...

AlphaChambo > ERROR 1 ... MENU-PHOTO MISMATCH ...


AlphaChambo > ERROR 1.2 ... REQUESTING OVERRIDE ? override. i get comped everywhere and it's none of their damn business ! proceed !


AlphaChambo > ERROR 2.1 ... IMMORAL ...

AlphaChambo > ERROR 2.2 ... UNETHICAL ...

AlphaChambo > ERROR 2.3 ... REQUESTING OVERRIDE ? override. end of discussion. just do it !

AlphaChambo > INITIATE ATTACK ON p ? no ! that's immoral !

AlphaChambo > INITIATE ATTACK ON mitchells ? no ! that's unethical !

AlphaChambo > WHAT THEN ? pictures for mitchells !!!

AlphaChambo > PROCESSING ...

AlphaChambo >











































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Thanks Chambo. Regardless of whatever anyone else here thinks of you, know that you are loved by some of us. Will be at Neige d'ete in two weeks.

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Has anyone here been following the goings-on of some of the once illustrious members of our Illustrious Nation recently ?


Or it just me ?


Oh my word, it's unbelievable the reckless, insurrectional risks some people are running.


And if it weren't for sweet little Chambo then you probably wouldn't even realize that we had an attempted Revolution on our hands !


But then, drunk on German power, driving like a madman who has forgotten all European and Roman history, mitchells opts to ignore a DIRECT ORDER from the future emperor !

Got a nice Mercedez sedan with nav


And no, mitchells, fuhgeddaboudit, you don't want to be sprinting east for a feast in Marseille (it's a heck of a long way) ... the smart play is to watch Marseille in May on Netflix.



Next stop: St Jean Cap Ferrat.


From the Bastard ? You serious ? How you getting there ? Driving ?


Yes, made a pit stop in Castelnau Le Lez. Thought it would be nice to hang poolside on a vineyard for a day and drink Rose from the vines a few meters from the pool. I could definitely get into the Chambo lifestyle.


mitchells had gall to cross Chambo and cross the Irun-ian Rubicon into Gaul against my EXPLICIT command NOT to do so !


Then, even drunker, he begins imagining a coup d'etat and usurping me and assuming ultimate power. You bad boy, mitchells !


I had said in no uncertain terms that he should NOT head east for a feast ! (En francais, Marseille is just a way to say stay away ... but you didn't get that memo, did ya mitchells ? )


You see, when I made that above-linked post, the less astute members of our nation were once again INCORRECTLY thinking "Oh my oh my, Chambo seems to be off-point in that Bastard thread ! " because they thought that I was mumbling and meandering incoherently in Marseille 'bout bouillabaisse and assorted other fishy stuff, but I'm sure mitchells was scratching his head for a while there wondering how Chambo knew in what direction he was headed. You see, people underestimate CyberChambo time and time again ... but I had easily compromised mitchells email accounts and knew of all his comings and goings ... but I couldn't admit it at the time ... so I played dumb ... and continued to track him like wild game.



Now mitchells, you may be wondering why a future emperor such as I would have given you such an order ... which is fine since we all should wonder and have wonder and wander and have our minds wander ... but it is NOT the place of a future four-star general such as yourself to question or doubt the commands of someone of such Chambolleon stock who proudly ports the emperor's Purple robes and pours his purple passion into each and every glass.


Don't you get that !


mitchells, you cannot expect me to explain each or every little thing ... every last detail !


I simply don't have time for this because I'm running a global empire, damn it, and it's total fucking chaos !


But in this one case, I will give you just a little hint of the goings-on in Gaul at the moment ... through me eyes ...


We are in a Culinary State of Emergency across the border here in France. The Japanese have invaded the capital and are taking over. Southern France has minefields all over the place ! Even Chambo ... EVEN I am in NO position to guarantee your culinary safety down there. When I told the Koreans that things were "good" or "very good", yeah that was all true ... but it assumed that they had been eating dumplings and bibimbap and that sorta slop for their whole life !


You, mitchells, you just came from another world. You came from Spain ! It's like Nirvana there ! It's like you died and went to Heaven. You understand that now, right ?


But life in France is totally different. It's like the real world ... but worse.


Cuz in this life things are much harder than in the afterworld. In this life, mitchells, you're on your own !


You're crazy to be here ! There's no Stairway to Heaven ... there's no elevator ... there's no punching higher floors, mitchells !






Next stop: St Jean Cap Ferrat.

From the Bastard ? You serious ? How you getting there ? Driving ?


Listening to the Beatles catalogue made the drive fly by.


Yeah, you ain't the only one with the Beatles playing constantly in your mind.


Me too, mitchells ... all this morning one song, Yesterday Yesterday Yesterday, it just kept on playing and playing and playing all morning ...


Yesterday all their troubles seemed so far away.

Now it looks as though they went to Montpelier.

Oh, I preferred yesterday.

Suddenly the mitchells clan est dans mon pays

There's that sword hanging over me.

Oh, yesterday left suddenly.

Why they had to come, I don't know, they wouldn't say.

I said something wrong, now I long for yesterday.

Yesterday love was such an easy game to play.

Now I need a place to hide away.

Oh, I believe in yesterday.

Yesterday all their troubles seems so far away.







Thanks Chambo. Regardless of whatever anyone else here thinks of you, know that you are loved by some of us.


Well, I guess that was yesterday ...



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In spite of the above, the raw and cooked scallops with lambs lettuce and caviar was pretty awesome last night, although the price tag was silly. But waking up to the sunrise over the Mediterranean made me forget about the price.


Lunch in Eze Village today. What should I order?

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And Chambo said

Let There Be Light

and there was light.


And Chambo saw the light

but it was NOT good

for it was flickering.


And Chambo reached out

to the Chosen People

who attempted to save the day.


And it turned into a nightmare

but there was still love in the air

for it was printemps à Paris

and Chambo was as busy as bee.


Here is where this biblical story started ...


and here is where it ends ...



These LEDs are a frickin' nightmare !


But you love them in other applications...


That's true.


I presume that you're talking about the Ilumipod 48 IP Optic RGBWs. Am I right, Bunge ?




Off the top of my head, I believe that that model is IP66-rated, ETL-approved wash light fitted with 48 red, green, blue and white LEDs. It responds to 3, 4, 5, 6 or 11 channels of DMX512 control but is capable of RGBW mixing with or without DMX512. Color temperature presets range from 3,200K to 10,000K. The beam angle can be adjusted using either 15° or 30° lenses. Designed for use indoors or outdoors, it is housed in cast aluminum, available in white or grey finish. A double yoke stabilizes it for use at floor level. A maximum of 7 fixtures can be linked at 120V.


But don't quote me on that.


Bunge, before we lose everybody, let's state the obvious ... it will be helpful to our readers who aren't as into lighting as we are and don't know their lighting trivia.


Those are the LEDs that are on the NW side of the Eiffel Tower, installed in 2009 for its 120th B-Day.


That's the side facing Trocadero and those LEDs can perform real-time, dynamic light shows like this ... (and they can be programmed to do just about anything ...)




And before most of the readers here get outraged about energy waste, please calm down folks because we took your concerns very seriously and we put some wind turbines up there recently and they are helping out in a big way ...




But this is all very recent stuff ... and there are 4 sides to La Tour ... and hollywood is saying "But that NW view is NOT the view from the Tour d'Argent" and he is absolutely right.


In addition, it is NOT the view that I have from my place so those LEDs do NOT impact nor bother me at all and hence I love them.


hollywood would most likely be very interested in the history of the tower's lighting because it is indeed quite interesting and he witnessed history on December 31, 1999.


You can read all about it here, hollywood ...




@ Bunge : if you are in a rush, here's the TL;DR technical version - originally high-pressure sodium lamps that went from 1000 W to 600 W ... the "beacon" on the top (which is like a hyper-powerful lighthouse light that revolves 360 degrees) is a 6000 W xenon lamp ... the "sparkling" lights are 5,000 per side (ie 20k 6 W bulbs in total that are going on and off ! )


Now hollywood is nodding and thinking "Yep that sounds more like it ... that must have been my view" and he's right again and he was indeed one of the very very first to see those new lights in action. And that's also the view I have.


Now Bunge is thinking "Wait a minute Chambo, are you saying that you see thousands of these sparkling lights all the time from your place ... cuz if that's actually true then why are you whining and moaning about one lousy, flickering LED in your bathroom ! "


Now before you all find Bunge's argument convincing, TIME OUT !


Yes I have that view but those white, sparkling lights only go on and off at the top of the hour post-sunset til 1am and they only "sparkle" for 5 minutes. As you know, when those white lights are NOT sparkling the yellow-orange ones are solidly on post-sunset with NO FLICKERING whatsoever.


And let there be no doubt that "sparkle" is totally different than "flicker".


To sparkle is scintiller ou étinceller.


That I knew from French guests coming chez Chambo all the time and saying "Ohhhh, j'adore quand les lumières de la Tour étincellent. Ooh la la. J'adore Paris."


But when an LED light flickers, that's totally different, my friends.


That's vaciller (which I didn't know and just learned * ) and not clignoter ** which is to flash or blink as in what a yellow traffic light does before turning red.


* and hence was one (of many) of the reasons why I was having a bit of problem communicating my LED light problem to the guy in the store on the phone... you think it's easy living here and dealing with the simple day-to-day crap ? Think again.


** and clignoter is a word that I learned early on here and knew very well due to language lessons given to me by the very kind, very well-informed and hard-working French traffic police. Merci guys !

Now with all this talk of lights and skylines and looking at the Paris sky, it immediately brings to mind the following question ...


What do stars do ?


Do they sparkle ie scintiller or do they twinkle ... and is there any difference in the French language between the two ... or is one preferred over the other.


There are those who say "No difference" and that a star that twinkles is a star qui scintille, but I beg to differ and I STRONGLY disagree because I say that a star that twinkles is NOT une étoile qui scintille mais une étoile qui brille !


Oh and in France if foreigner dares to impose his view on their cherished language ... huh ! watch out ! ... riots everywhere, literary pedants come out of the woodwork to scold you and the sleepy Académie française comes out of hibernation, kicks into immediate action and demands sources and proof. The French papers start saying that Chambo is up to his old tricks again and now he's not only toying with every word under the sun but he's messing around with big stars and playing with fire and that his antics will be off the Page 6 and the national radar in a blink of an eye just like une étoile filante.


It's almost as if they think I'm pulling these translations out of my hat like a magician ... but I'm NOT !


I'm not waving my left hand over here in France to grab all your attention while my right hand is off in Italy typing up corrections to numerous restaurant name misspellings and then when I've totally got you off-balance and looking left and right and you sense that something fishy is going on, then BOOM ! Next thing you know I pull a good-sized lepre alla royal out of some fisherman's chapeau or bateau or resto or whatever.


No siree. That is NOT the way I operate AT ALL.


When dealing with definitions, I do things differently and I go directly to the sources ... to the classics ... in the same fashion that I have pleaded with Bonner to educate the Princess.


And there is NO BETTER source for the French translation of twinkle than the classic Brille, brille, petite étoile.


Initally, my approach caused massive chaos at the Académie française as you can imagine but when I reminded them that I was employing the exact same analytical method used by Champollion in deciphering Egyptian hieroglyphics via the Rosetta Stone ... well then they immediately dropped their grosses têtes and all their objections and grudgingly agreed without a word of opposition ... not even a peep !


Twinkle, twinkle, little star, Brille, brille, petite étoile

How I wonder what you are. Je me demande vraiment ce que tu es !

Up above the world so high, Au-dessus du monde si haut

Like a diamond in the sky. Comme un diamant dans le ciel

Twinkle, twinkle, little star, Brille, brille, petite étoile

How I wonder what you are ! Je me demande vraiment ce que tu es !



And folks, don't ask me what makes a star shine. It's too complicated.


I would have to go totally nuclear on you and you wouldn't have any idea what I'm talking about. That's why I prefer to KISS.


Furthermore it massively depends upon the star's mass and at a certain point I would plunge you all into total darkness. The nation should recall that I won a Nobel Prize in Physics on my research into this very topic many years ago (and you think I'm joking, but I ain't). I won't bore you with all the complicated details here because virtually no one will understand my delving into the true nature of black holes and the information paradox, but what I will say is that if you have been reading the scientific press in the last year then you may have been shocked and noticed that some of the greatest minds in the world on this topic are starting to finally understand and appreciate what I was talking about so many years ago as they too now attempt to look NOT over the horizon but directly at it.


Our illustrious nation simply wouldn't believe me if I talked at length about the reality of our universe and that's why I don't even try.


Briller as in "to shine" ... as in Shine on You Crazy Diamond !



Remember when you were young, you shone like the sun.

Shine on you crazy diamond.

Now there's a look in your eyes, like black holes in the sky.

Shine on you crazy diamond.

You were caught in the crossfire of childhood and stardom, blown on the steel breeze.

Come on you target for faraway laughter, come on you stranger, you legend, you martyr, and shine !


You reached for the secret too soon, you cried for the moon.

Shine on you crazy diamond.

Threatened by shadows at night, and exposed in the light.

Shine on you crazy diamond.

Well you wore out your welcome with random precision, rode on the steel breeze.

Come on you raver, you seer of visions, come on you painter, you piper, you prisoner, and shine !

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