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I am embarrassed to admit it but I use Yelp. It's coverage is broad and it has handy features like being able to locate nearby bars. That said, the ninny level is much higher than it should be. I'v

Yelp makes Mama Lucia's sound really good.

I saw that but it seemed amateurish. Here at MF we are the Seal Team 6 of ranting.   Come on, play along. Look up 2 of your favorite neighborhood restaurants on Yelp, sort the results by rating, a

Martina D. doesn't like Chez Sardine:


I don't know about the food, I just want to let everybody know that the people who work here are awful, shameful. Was walking in a rainy day and all of sudden a tremendous thunderstorm occurred, so I was waiting for the rain to calm down underneath their curtain outside, on the street, but it was getting so bad that I couldn't shelter anyway. People who were dining inside were looking at me compassionate...and I decided to get inside and wait 5 minutes until the situation got better. As I got in I asked the waitress if I could stay 5 minutes in a corner where I wasn't bothering anybody, I'm a young girl, skinny, pretty, well dressed and CLEAN, a little bit soaked of course but....she looked at me like I was begging for money or a place to sleep but she didn't say no. After 2 minutes an other guy kicked me off telling me: you have dinner here or you leave now.

Great people.
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  • 4 weeks later...

A little something to ward off the winter blues. The Best Terribly-Written Pretentious Yelp Reviews.

Samples, written about different places. Alas, too few.

Looking through the pictures of Wisdom’s inventive, charming mixologist Erik Holzherr, I am not surprised to note that several of them feature him standing among art collections, because the darker, quieter soul of that world is surely where his memorable, shocking, creative cocktails belong. Lounging in Wisdom for a relaxed birthday celebration, gently cloaked in the sultry lighting sourced from the jewel toned glass holders that dangle from the eclectic chandeliers, we contemplated the couples nestled in the intimate seating coves along the textured walls, luxurious curtains partially obscuring their gestures of longing, and succumbed to the seductive cocktails crafted from (legally potent) absinthe, caramel vodka, smoked black tea, elderflower cordial, heady port, and candied ginger.



Redolent memories of the Ardennes countryside drift lasciviously through my mind while I quaff an impeccable Fantome Saison purchased from John’s Grocery.



Great is the place that overcomes a heinous cloud of the strongest stench to win my heart. Like the musk of the Kraken in full rut, we tangled with this odious funk on Saturday night while sipping fine cocktails in celebration of my girlfriend’s birthday.
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That article linked to the Yelp threads that the quotes came from but they didn't link to the specific posters. That first one about Wisdom tickled me so much I was motivated to track them down. I was not disappointed.

Stepping into Rasika, with its curtain of rubies glinting in the smoky lighting, I felt a light cloud of spices clearing my senses and bringing my shoulders down from my hairline. I found my companions enjoying whiskeys at the bar, and settled down to a crisp tablecloth, an ebullient server, three gorgeous champagne cocktails kissed with ginger, and a feast of perfectly spiced dishes.

Confirming that we enjoyed spicy dishes, our server brought over bowls of popcorn seasoned with salt, sugar, anise, coriander, and other spices, rendering the finest bar snack I have tasted. Then, a slow stream of dishes began arriving at our table: the remarkable palak chaat, so refreshing with its clean, tangy green flavors leant by the tamarind, yogurt, and fresh spinach, the beautiful, pliant scallops with a light sweetness and a marked spiciness, and several pieces of naan, which needed a bit more chewiness but showcased lovely bright herbs.

We went to Caphe Banh Mi one cool evening after a pleasant walk around Hains Point (where the cherry blossoms still quivered inside bare branches). We instantly warmed to the intimate interior, the simple seating, and the map of Vietnam on the main wall, where cities were listed in glazed concrete relief along the coasts. Glancing at the steaming bowls of pho and bun dishes on other tables, we quickly looked over the nicely edited menu and ordered bowls of the house pho (many cuts of beef and tripe) and pho with lean meats and meatballs. A plate of garnishes came from the kitchen, and enormous bowls brimming with broth soon arrived at our table.

The beefy broth aroma immediately filled our noses, but I yearned for the scent of cinnamon, cloves, and delicate sweet onion that wafts from a superior bowl of pho. Swirling my chopsticks through the bowl, I found that the noodles were too tangled to consume with any dignity and also firmer than I expected.


Bobby Flay's Burger Palace.

Perhaps the Burger Palace was anticipating the design scheme for Mad Men when they opened. The place feels very swirled, pod like, and generally claustrophobic, despite its high ceilings and floor-length windows. The discomfort and vague feeling of melancholy it provoked made my decision to do takeaway quite easy. Trusting Bobby's palate, I ordered the burger special, inspired by the flavors of Louisiana and featuring a spice rub, tasso ham, mild cheese, and spicy remoulade. It was salty to say the least, though the meat had a nice texture and was cooked to specification, so I stopped halfway through the patty and turned to the sweet potato fries, which were delightfully crunchy, sweet, and nicely seasoned. Finishing with an appropriately dark chocolate shake, I wished I felt the complete satisfaction experienced by Samuel L. Jackson after a Big Kahuna breakfast.




She's written 522 Yelp reviews.


Five hundred and twenty two.


Knock yourselves out. I'm sure there's plenty more where this came from.

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  • 2 months later...

Amazing (from a review of Manresa):




We brought a bottle of champaign [sic] with us. We usually do that. It's normal. I drink only fine French champaign [sic] and most of the restaurants don't have it on a menu or if they do they have a different year which I don't drink. I prefer Crystal 2005 and I wasn't sure if it is not on a menu or not, so I brought it with me. The corkage is usually 15-25$.[sic] Not a big deal. So we opened the bottle. However, my glass was always empty ... (and my husband was the person who was pouring champaign [sic] for me ... But when they gave us a check we were astonished: they charged us $75 corkage fee!!!!



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