The Worst of Yelp

[Sneakeater]

Yelp makes Mama Lucia's sound really good.

[Sneakeater]

This person thinks Franny's isn't as good as Roberta's. Except he hasn't been to Roberta's.

 

We had longed to see what all the fuss was about. Heard such wonderful things. Alas the ambience wasn't much but we were still excited to get our hands on the food. 40 minute wait, we discovered a good Sangiovese. At last we sit at the table. Starter - A sausage with some bit of cucumber - $14. Well overpriced. Part 2, the Pizza. Yes, it was a good pizza ($17) but by no means the best - that still belongs to Gnocco in the East Village OR Roberta's, the latter of which I have heard much about and intend on getting down there soon.

 

Therefore, a tad disappointed. Somewhat overrated. Certainly overpriced. Only 2 stars and I will only go back by accident.

 

Maybe someone should take him back and tell him it's Roberta's.

[Lex]

There is a certain sort of person, and I class my former mother-in-law as one, who enters a restaurant with chip firmly fixed on shoulder, almost expecting to be dissed or disappointed. Applies to those Yelpers at Minetta as well methinks.

Or Steakrules at Le Bernardin.

[mitchells]

This is the premise of the Opinionated About Dining Guide. To devalue the opinions of the clueless and increase the value of the opinions that should matter.

[g.johnson]

This is the premise of the Opinionated About Dining Guide. To devalue the opinions of the clueless and increase the value of the opinions that should matter.

There's a difference.

 

OAD = devalue the opinions of those that don't have as much money as Plotincki.

MFF = devalue the opinions of those who went to a slightly inferior university.

[tsquare]

I had to play. Restaurant Zoe, currently closed because they are moving. Given 1 star. (I am a big fan of this place, right from the start and through my last meal there.)

 

Everything was great, except the food flavor.

 

We had three dishes and they all tasted exactly the same and it was a wired flavor that left my wife with a bad after taste (she had to get some tea at home to remove it)...looks like the chef found a combination with squab, olive oil and somethign else that he just had to shove into every dish without any contrasts. Too bad, the place is perfect in every other way, and the meat was cooked perfectly.

I also suggest you avoid the the pork belly appetizer, it was in the borderline of delicius and you want to puke because its pure fat.... we coudnt finish it and we love bacon and derivates....

 

Gotta love the fine use of language, spell check, and well, are they saying the squab and the pork belly tasted alike?

[tighe]

And then when you find out that these idiots actually impact the restaurants' revenues it becomes less amusing.

[Adrian]

These aren't so bad - most of the really funny reviews tend to be large outliers from the majority. Anyway, here's another winner:

 

What a mistake to go to this place on the recommendation of Anthony Bourdain. I like and watch Bourdain all the time, but Schwartz's is not worth his recommendation because it is over priced and the food is not special.

 

We walked from the Marriott Champlain to Schwartz's, a trip taking about an hour, uphill, through some of Montreal's most unusual neighbourhoods. Thank you Google and Apple for not converting the metric system on our phone to miles instead of kilometre's. If I knew then what I known now I would have summoned a cab or rented an electric bike.

 

We arrived when no crowd were lined up about 4 pm to be personally greeted by the owner who unequivocally proclaimed the service was terrible. What he left out was the "smoked meat" tasted like a poor Canadian version of pastrami without NYC pastrami zing.

 

The price for three soft drinks, two smoked meat sandwiches, pickles and lousy service, terrible seats and disappointment was over $60.00 US dollars. CASH ONLY.

 

Never going back to Schwartz's and thinking twice about any place Anthony Bourdain recommends because he is wrong about this place and should warn tourists about it, rather than drive them to it.

 

Bourdain is now on the same list as Guy Fieri because both pitchmen are splendid con artists of the first calibre!

 

I would like to add that his "dollar sixty US dollar" price is impossible given the order. Sandwiches are $6.15, pickles and soft drinks are under $2.

[Lex]

Another gold plated idiot. It's amazing how many of them there are. These morons need to be publicly shamed. As Tighe pointed out, their reviews are factored into a place's overall star rating along with the ratings of sane people.

[Sneakeater]

The best part is the complaint that Google and Apple don't automatically convert kilometers into miles in metric countries.

[Behemoth]

Hey, I get to play along. I checked Qype, which is the German version. Sure enough, the one star reviews of one of my favorite places (translated):

 

lousy shack, bad food, high prices. Terrible, not recommended!

 

Again and again disappointing - bad service and beer poured badly, staff didn't apologize when we pointed it out. Food is nice, but it sucks to have the reservation card on your table - and they will ask you to leave on time ...

(Basically, he's complaining that they let him sit at someone else's reserved table a few hours in advance, and then required him leave when the people with the reservation arrived.)

[Anthony Bonner]

The best part is the complaint that Google and Apple don't automatically convert kilometers into miles in metric countries.

not just that, but if you didn't realize it wasn't converted you would think the walk is further than it actually is.

[splinky]

These aren't so bad - most of the really funny reviews tend to be large outliers from the majority. Anyway, here's another winner:

 

What a mistake to go to this place on the recommendation of Anthony Bourdain. I like and watch Bourdain all the time, but Schwartz's is not worth his recommendation because it is over priced and the food is not special.

 

We walked from the Marriott Champlain to Schwartz's, a trip taking about an hour, uphill, through some of Montreal's most unusual neighbourhoods. Thank you Google and Apple for not converting the metric system on our phone to miles instead of kilometre's. If I knew then what I known now I would have summoned a cab or rented an electric bike.

 

We arrived when no crowd were lined up about 4 pm to be personally greeted by the owner who unequivocally proclaimed the service was terrible. What he left out was the "smoked meat" tasted like a poor Canadian version of pastrami without NYC pastrami zing.

 

The price for three soft drinks, two smoked meat sandwiches, pickles and lousy service, terrible seats and disappointment was over $60.00 US dollars. CASH ONLY.

 

Never going back to Schwartz's and thinking twice about any place Anthony Bourdain recommends because he is wrong about this place and should warn tourists about it, rather than drive them to it.

 

Bourdain is now on the same list as Guy Fieri because both pitchmen are splendid con artists of the first calibre!

 

I would like to add that his "dollar sixty US dollar" price is impossible given the order. Sandwiches are $6.15, pickles and soft drinks are under $2.

i bet that trip was uphill in both directions

[Adrian]

Everything in Canada is uphill both ways. It's a tremendous review on a number of levels. Here's another world champion (these are way too easy to find): a review of the hairy arms of the gentleman sitting behind her at Jean Georges.

 

I had really looked forward to this restaurant, having seen such great reviews on yelp and also word of mouth.

 

We were on time but they were not. They offered for us to sit in the foyer or stand at the bar while the previous sitting finished their dessert.

 

It did pick up, the food was fantastic. Our waiter was reasonably attentive despite not being around when I actually needed him.

 

However...

Our party of 2 were seated at an area back to back to another table. And whilst in the beginning it was most enjoyable, the hairy arm of the gentleman behind us resting on the back of the adjoining encroached my personal space significantly, to the point it was almost brushing my hair.

 

I flagged down the water man, and pointed out my concern. He stated he will sort it out and understands my discomfort. Nothing was done. I then tried to flag down the waitress for the area, who motioned for me to wait while she waited on the table of concern. She then went back to the kitchen, attended about 3 other tables, but did not come to attend us at any point,

 

When the hairy arm almost brushed my neck (despite me moving away) - I raised my concerns this time with our waiter, and was only taken seriously when I asked to speak with the manager. I was prepared to leave the table at that point, scene or no scene.

 

Our waiter offered for a table move, which was appreciated, however, they omitted to give us new napkins, did not help us into our chairs, and generally did not display attention to detail and service worthy of michelin stars, let alone 3.

 

Very disappointed, and would certainly not go back again. The 2 stars are ONLY for the food and not for the dining experience.

 

I can hear the thought process "food, five stars, hairy arm, zero stars, overall restaurant experience, two stars". Who will make the more difficult move of posting raves of great places that are nonetheless terrible?

[Daisy]

Adrian, that's priceless.