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Passing through Paris

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Champo ! Champoo !

And you think you are who ?


The Great Man from the South

If it's not Mister Michelin Mouth


Le Monsieur qui vient de Nice

Now comes to Paris on his knees !


Before I go any further ... I just better not get started with this guy ...


[click and watch]



Oh hello !


I liked the way you slapped that horse's ass.


Bonjour Bobby ... Bonsoir Brown ... what are you doin' around town ?


To what do I owe this great pleasure ?

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4 out of those 5 definitely use sous vide


Oh man, why did you have to do that !



I cannot believe you a e k !

You just ruined my plans for today !

I was going to call all those chefs above

who feel for Chambo nothing but love.

And I was going to play a trick on Brown

To crucify that hypocritical clown !!!

Chefs were to deny all sort of sous-vide query

And serve Brown great pleasure til he was weary

Brown would return here and say that food was great

Then Chambo nails him with “Twas sous-vide you ate ! “

Can you appreciate how fun that could have been ?

Now my great plan is gone into the air that is thin.


Pfffffft ! Ruined … completely ruined … thanks aek ! Thanks a lot !


Brown would have been revealed as all hat and no cattle.

We'd be done with vacuous tales and all his tattle.

Now I gotta start planning for the ensuing battle ...


But it ain’t gonna be easy ... I got some researching to do ...

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Champo. I will be passing through Paris on the way to CDG ...


It will be a pleasure to try and help you, my good friend. How's Geneva treating you ?


But first I need to know ...


When Bobby ? When exactly ... this is very important ... I need to know which day of the week ?


And just one other question that could prove insightful and helpful here ...


Are there any restaurants operating in France TODAY (not twenty or thirty or forty years ago ! ) that you find acceptable ?


Can you simply name a few ...

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And because I'm hyper-busy at the moment, and as much as I like to stay on-point with questions as posed, I will start by going off-topic.


Even though it wasn't on your list, the only true, fully-approved, BBBB*-rated dinosaur out there is l'Ambroisie. But it's a brutal, punishing dinosaur that will eat you and your wallet alive. Hence not for the faint of heart.


At Le Cinq, you can get his classics but they will NOT be at lunch menu prices ... they will be a la carte ... which approaches if not supercedes l'Ambroisie pain. Le Squer is le real deal and worthy of anyone and the room is fully fitting for such grand cuisine. The service team is usually excellent and please interact with them for they are fun and gracious, but DO NOT annoy them, Bobby (I know you have you special powers !). Review their usually-fully-up-to-date online menu (or email them to be absolutely sure and they respond quickly ... but DO NOT BUG THEM VIA EMAIL, BOBBY !!! YOU'LL TOTALLY BLOW IT !!! ) and call them outside of dining hours to have a quick chat about what you might desire for lunch and what they can do and see if it is still to your liking. They can get the job done ... for a price bien sur.


I like Arpege but I'm not convinced you will be of the same mind.


I really used to like l'Astrance when it opened and cost 75 euros for the whole ball of wax but less so now at full pricing. Full disclosure - I haven't been there for a long while.


And I don't think that Ducasse is for you, Bobby, but take a peek at the room and get an expensive drink down the hall and you could be stylin' Brown and pickin' up all them well-dressed gals !


Pre Catelan still exists, eh ? Whodathunkit ! Don't know a thing other than the chef's name.


As a lark, if it were game season, I might have made an exceptional call in advance to Manny for an old warrior like you Bobby and told Martinez that a canny, scarred battle-ox born prior to the Sun God's reign might be walking into Le Relais some day soon, but I don't think even I would send you to this incredibly retrograde resto in the spring ... and it's usually useless for newbies to call them ... and their website is as atrocious and as dinosaur-ific and as out-of-date as one would expect from a real live T-Rex. But this isn't anywhere near the same league as your list and nor does Le Relais deserve two from you know who. And this place isn't for anyone but Bobby ! ... even if Chambo has been bored on cold winter nights and lassoed a lievre in this king's place or wrestled with a real retro ris de veau ... but don't go folks.


*Big Bad Bobby Brown

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I'm in heavy training now, I'm getting totally focused and preparing for upcoming offensive operations.


@Bonner - operations commencing ... man your battle stations, team !


Oh yes, Champ-o. Who be you to talk about ... moola stashed away in, appropriately enough, the Cook Islands?


Let me tell you something about you and me, Mr. Brown.


You are from the Guadalcanal and Pentagon Papers generation.


I am from the Cuban Cigar, Panama Papers and Who's Who in the World generation.


You can try to put me down just because I get around but you are going to fail miserably in the process.




My generation don't brook no bullshit and we have more contingency plans, financial or otherwise, than you could ever imagine.


You are so in over your head, Mr. Brown, because you have no idea with whom you are dealing.


The only sane response is surrender.


And don't you dare talk to me about moola ! for it was YOU who was playing the big shot and wheeled out all that those heavy guns, NOT ME !


Champ-o, anything new on Chez Denis, Petit Coin de la Bourse, Vivarois, Lous Landes? What about Petit Montmorency?


It doesn't work like this Brown ... not by a long shot !


You have lost ANY AND ALL authority to question. You are now MY prisoner of war.


You will answer to ME in detail to my satisfaction ... before ANY replies might be forthcoming.


If that's not to your liking then your solitary confinement is fine with me.


You seem to be denying what has transpired here and how the tables have been turned.


You must understand that you as original poster get one crack at a surprise attack when directing massive fire at Chambo.


And that's it. One attack with precision and then you must stay on point and finish off the mission. You have a lunch to eat as presented above.


And boy did you massively fire at me with ferocity !


Five supersonic shells of the highest Michelin power were aimed directly at me without mercy and bombarded my peaceful little paradise in the South Pacific without any warning whatsoever !


It's a day that will live in infamy for our young nation.


Thanks to my superb hearing, unbelievable reflexes and seal training, I immediately instinctively dove into the pool ... SPLASH ! ... and went sous-vide for what seemed like an eternity before exiting unharmed.


It wound up saving my life.


Americans everywhere should be proud of the military training that their finest receive. God Bless America !


And the record will show that I was willing to write it off, take a shower and still be super friendly.


We then have egregious and grievous insubordination within the nation (fully deserving of a court-martial and potential public execution) that totally neutralizes a masterly crafted counter-attack that could have saved this Illustrious Nation from the non-stop, nonsensical droning fire from above about the sous-vide that we have been subjected to for years now.


Well that plan went down the drain just like that.


So what do I do next ?


I put one foot in front of the other ... cause I'm trying to be on my best behavior.


I ask you how you are doing along with a few friendly questions WHICH GET IGNORED and I graciously return artillery fire with the utmost precision that should please any person on the planet as per your prior post ... EXCEPT FOR YOU, OF COURSE !


And then you try to change the subject and somehow weasel out a truce.




You are under house arrest.


Answer the questions. All of them.


And then I will begin a grueling interrogation before the entire nation.


Or ignore me as you please.


You started this, Brown, not me.

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It will be a pleasure to try and help you, my good friend. How's Geneva treating you ?


But first I need to know ...


When Bobby ? When exactly ... this is very important ... I need to know which day of the week ?


And just one other question that could prove insightful and helpful here ...


Are there any restaurants operating in France TODAY (not twenty or thirty or forty years ago ! ) that you find acceptable ?


Can you simply name a few ...

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I refuse to make a truce between me and the denizens of the State of Souvidia. There can never be anything except bad blood between me and your citizenry. And yes (to use one of your rhetorical devices) I will be in Geneva to buy Havana smokes. I can visit you at your home in Zug.

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I truly believe that I'm just about the only one here who is fully grounded and has his head screwed on correctly.


I'll have you know, Mr. Brown, that last night in your honor I fully exposed my nuts to oxygen for they had been sous-vide for months.


They luxuriated in their new-found freedom. They showed no ill effect from their confinement. They were as fresh and tasty as could be.


I proceeded to chew on their crunchy goodness while thinking about you and thinking about how much you would enjoy chewing on my nuts, especially if I had dipped them in molten chocolate.


Many may think that I'm out of my mind but I am NOT in the least and this story is 100% true even if I'm sometimes nuts for My Darling Nocciola.

And who wouldn't be ...


Chambo, on-point as always.

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