mongo Posted January 19 Share Posted January 19 (edited) i've held off on writing more because it all seems inadequate. like most of us on mouthfuls who are not based in nyc--and perhaps even like most of us who are--i knew sneak online. yes, i'd met him and eaten with him in new york but as far as i'm concerned our friendship was entirely an internet one. it's hard for people who're not severely online as most of us are and have been for a long time to understand the nature and depth of friendships that exist largely/only on online forums/groups. and the loss of people you didn't know "in real life" is not supposed to hurt so much. but sneak's death hurts a lot and i can only imagine how much larger the loss is for people like jesikka, mitch and others who did know him well offline as well as on. i don't remember exactly when sneak joined mouthfuls. my path had not crossed his on egullet (where i did not have much to do with the nyc forum) and i'm pretty sure he was not here during the energetic and fractious early years of mouthfuls. people have mentioned his joining in 2007 or so. i would have guessed later. but whenever it was, i remember feeling a little bit of proprietary prickliness when this sneakeater guy showed up and was posting all the time and quickly zooming up the "most posts" charts. and, yes, i rolled my eyes too in the early days over his accounts of his outings with much younger women. but it wasn't very long before i was won over by him. quite simply, he was the best of us. he was deeply knowledgeable (about so many aspects of culture) but he never used his knowledge as a weapon; i can't remember him ever putting anyone down. he was not shy with his opinions but he was always generous even with people he must have disagreed with severely (on specifics or with their broader worldviews). he was not someone who avoided disagreement or wanted mouthfuls to be a bland place without any drama but he managed to stay above it all even when he participated in discussions that got other people (not least me in the bad old days) very exercised. his interest in food, music, literature, film etc. of all kinds was exceptional in an internet culture that sees most people double down on unexamined cultural positions. it was clear what kinds of things he loved most of all but it was also clear that he resisted cultural hierarchies of taste. and in the last decade, as mouthfuls, and pretty much every other discussion forum of old, grew increasingly silent, losing members to social media or more complicated personal lives, he was one of those who kept it alive and made the discussions that were still happening vital and worth reading. (he was also very funny.) i am sorry that as my own participation lessened, even before but especially after the loss of the old site, i didn't get to interact with him on the forums as much as i used to. i'm sorry that i never told him how much i admired him, how much i learned from him, and how much his opinion of me meant to me. i'm very sorry that i never reached out to him until it was too late after hearing the initial news of his diagnosis. but i'm very glad to have known him--i wish it could have been for longer. Edited January 19 by mongo 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bloviatrix Posted January 19 Share Posted January 19 21 hours ago, MitchW said: Only that he didn’t live long enough to unpack them? I wondered about that. It's really sad that he didn't have time to enjoy his new place. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MitchW Posted January 19 Share Posted January 19 (edited) 12 hours ago, bloviatrix said: I wondered about that. It's really sad that he didn't have time to enjoy his new place. I was actually discussing this with his brother today. He moved in towards the end of January, 2024, and was really just settling in, cooking in his kitchen, unpacking, ordering shelves, furniture, etc. etc. Sadly, within 2-3 months, he found out he was sick. And that it wasn’t good. Thinking about how excited he was to move to Ridgewood, grab a pretty nice apartment, give us all shit about how Manhattan sucks and Ridgewood was the place to be, it’s all pretty fucking depressing. But thanks for all the good memories and thoughts you’re sharing. Edited January 19 by MitchW 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paryzer Posted January 19 Author Share Posted January 19 I remember when I first joined Mouthfuls, and highly recommended Sam's Butcher Shop (a small artisan smokehouse, that was closed on Sunday, and not really open to the public) in Moscow, PA. Barry decided, without calling, to take the long train ride to Sam's on a Sunday. He knocked on Sam's door catching him by surprise. Sam told him he was closed, and asked him where he found out about him. Barry mentioned my name, and Sam gave him some bacon and sausage that he had around the house. I always enjoyed reading Barry's posts. It seemed like he was knowledgeable in just about everything. I was fortunate to be invited to a dinner party at a former Mouthful member's house, where Barry was also invited. I was so nervous and intimidated, because I thought that such a well read person like Barry would just ignore a commoner like me. However, he couldn't have been more welcoming and down to earth. That was Barry's superpower. He could converse with a Nobel Peace prize winner or 'regular Joe' without making the regular Joe feel inferior. May you rest in peace Barry, and hopefully find your beloved wife. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jesikka Posted January 19 Share Posted January 19 On 1/16/2025 at 5:03 PM, cinghiale said: Very impressive. Did he also have a lot of vinyl? I see there’s a turntable next to the amp. I was lucky enough to be the recipient of his entire vinyl collection, as well as a receiver and amp as a housewarming gift when I bought my current apartment (in MitchW’s bldg) during the pandemic. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jesikka Posted January 19 Share Posted January 19 11 hours ago, paryzer said: I remember when I first joined Mouthfuls, and highly recommended Sam's Butcher Shop (a small artisan smokehouse, that was closed on Sunday, and not really open to the public) in Moscow, PA. Barry decided, without calling, to take the long train ride to Sam's on a Sunday. He knocked on Sam's door catching him by surprise. Sam told him he was closed, and asked him where he found out about him. Barry mentioned my name, and Sam gave him some bacon and sausage that he had around the house. I always enjoyed reading Barry's posts. It seemed like he was knowledgeable in just about everything. I was fortunate to be invited to a dinner party at a former Mouthful member's house, where Barry was also invited. I was so nervous and intimidated, because I thought that such a well read person like Barry would just ignore a commoner like me. However, he couldn't have been more welcoming and down to earth. That was Barry's superpower. He could converse with a Nobel Peace prize winner or 'regular Joe' without making the regular Joe feel inferior. May you rest in peace Barry, and hopefully find your beloved wife. This reminds me of the time- not so long ago- when Mitch and another close friend and I, trying to cheer Barry up in light of the terrible news offered to have dinner anywhere he wanted. Toward the end of his life, Barry became extremely impatient with formal dining and very nostalgic about old school spots like Parkside and Randazzos. So Barry wants to go to Adrienne’s, which seemed to be chosen solely based on transportation inconvenience and a very very large veal serving. You know you love someone when you agree to go to the Rockaways on a work day weekday. Fwiw, Barry took the subway home. He was definitely a real NYer and man of the people, despite being extremely intellectual. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MitchW Posted January 19 Share Posted January 19 39 minutes ago, Jesikka said: This reminds me of the time- not so long ago- when Mitch and another close friend and I, trying to cheer Barry up in light of the terrible news offered to have dinner anywhere he wanted. Toward the end of his life, Barry became extremely impatient with formal dining and very nostalgic about old school spots like Parkside and Randazzos. So Barry wants to go to Adrienne’s, which seemed to be chosen solely based on transportation inconvenience and a very very large veal serving. You know you love someone when you agree to go to the Rockaways on a work day weekday. Fwiw, Barry took the subway home. He was definitely a real NYer and man of the people, despite being extremely intellectual. That place was classic, and it only took us like an hour and 15 minutes to get there! I probably have some pix somewhere; I’ll try to locate them! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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