Fear

[Sneakeater]

Thanks, guys.

I mean REALLY.

[Sneakeater]

One interesting aspect of this experience is that during the rather elaborate surgery that would have cured me if it hadn't been discovered during surgery that my cancer had metastasized (rendering it incurable and causing them to abort), I (as I understand it) actually technically died -- and then somehow pulled myself back.

You would be amazed how much street cred that gives you at a hospital.  One doctor who seemed to be considering removing my epidural responded to my threat that he'd face a big fight if he tried by saying, "oh, sir, I don't think I'd want to try to fight with YOU."  One orderly just came and sort of stared at me.

This makes me feel like The Phantom:  The Ghost Who Walks.

But what I really wanna know is, am I now technically a newborn?

 

 

 

Edited May 9, 2024 by Sneakeater

[Sneakeater]

 

[voyager]

I shouldn't suggest "born again"...no, I shouldn't.

[Sneakeater]

No, you shouldn't.

[hollywood]

How about renaissance?  

Don't I owe you a martini?

[Sneakeater]

I hope I can still have them!

[hollywood]

Why not!

[Evelyn]

As a friend who was diagnosed as “terminal” 12 years ago said to me-cancer is a scary mofo. But, as mentioned by others, there are so many new treatments and trials that are available (and more each month) that are not the draconian ones of the past. He has had to change regimens over the years. But like @voyager’s husband basically no serious side effects. And his remissions have all been for long stretches. His oncologist said there are so many success stories. And the plan is to keep “kicking the can down the road” until there is a cure. Hang in there.

[small h]

45 minutes ago, voyager said:

I shouldn't suggest "born again"...no, I shouldn't.

100% my first thought. How about reborn, like in Logan’s Run? @Sneakeater’s under 30, right?

[relbbaddoof]

2 hours ago, Sneakeater said:

actually technically died -- and then somehow pulled myself back

Was there a tunnel, a blinding light, and -- this is crucial -- did you see Brahma at the end of it, Vishnu or Shiva? If Brahma you're indeed reborn, but oddly in your own body and at your own age (these technicalities are I think allowed) but are still a new person. Do you feel new at all? Even newly stiff joints will do. If Vishnu, you're not the new-you, just you. If Shiva, I don't know what to say.

ETA: I realize that you may not be a believer in the BVS trimurti, but as Niels Bohr famously observed of the horseshoe above his office door, it works even if you don't believe in it.

Edited May 9, 2024 by relbbaddoof

[Sneakeater]

Before my wife died (hers was permanent), she saw lights.  I'm disappointed to say that I did not see lights.

[Steve R.]

Maybe instead of the other concepts, you should consider your experience parallel to Mouthfuls?  Not only up and active after a nasty hack, but able to start from scratch with only a memory (and no proof) of the history.  And you’ve now made your first posts.  Congrats & welcome to Sneak 2.0

[mongo]

meet the new sneak. same as the old sneak.

[backyardchef]

"Better than he was before. Better . . . stronger . . . faster..."

[Anthony Bonner]

This is....a tough thread. My best hopes for all.

[Jesikka]

On 5/9/2024 at 9:06 PM, Sneakeater said:

Before my wife died (hers was permanent), she saw lights.  I'm disappointed to say that I did not see lights.

Wait how do you know this?

[Sneakeater]

I was there   She said so. 

Edited May 11, 2024 by Sneakeater

[Steve R.]

I’m gonna go out on a limb here and suggest that lights are not available to those who are subsequently able to post about them.

[splinky]

 

Wishing all the best for everyone who has shared here. 

[splinky]

On 5/9/2024 at 4:39 PM, Sneakeater said:

Thanks, guys.

I mean REALLY.

Sneak, I’m sorry about your diagnosis. Wishing you all the best with treatment and maintenance. As others have said, there’s new stuff everyday and I hope you find the path forward that works best for you.  

[Sneakeater]

@splinky thank you. 

[maison rustique]

The husband is still off the deep end in his violent rage. I tried to see him yesterday. He was sitting by the door and immediately began screaming obscenities at me. The nurse in charge grabbed me and pulled me aside for a meeting. Said he was just really bad and she did not recommend that I try to interact with him until they get him under control. I ran back to his room to leave him a few things and they then took me out the back door and through the courtyard so I wouldn't have to walk past him. While he has gone into these rages at times over the past 6-8 months, I have never seen it last this long. I have to wonder if the solar storm is affecting him. His delusions/hallucinations are definitely worse in the days leading up to a full moon, so not sure why the sun wouldn't have an effect, too.

I truly am marrowed--married but to someone who breathes and walks, but isn't really alive. Not quite a widow, though that would be easier I think.

[small h]

We don't know each other except here, and a message board is vastly inadequate to convey sympathy, but know that every time I read one of your posts here, I take a moment to wish you peace.

[Sneakeater]

Exact same.